girlfriend wanted?

craigslist post with title: $300 female roommate with the possibility of being future girlfriend (S A__________)

----

My name is Beth and I am interested in the room you are offering on ‘craigslist.’ I’m a student at a local university and my financial situation has gone South. I can be your girlfriend right away, but I cannot afford rent. I do have some conditions. There will be no videotaping, no contracts, and no physical violence. Also I would like to use any motorcars on the premises for groceries or yoga approximately twice per three days (this is roughly 67% of days).

You probably want to know about my history. I come from a good family. My father invented an impeccable chicken feed that is widely used in the Midwest of the United States of America (if I refer to this later in this message I may call it the ‘American Midwest’ or just the ‘Midwest’) and my mother held the crown of Miss Wanchusett Falls; she did not win the pageant but she literally physically held the crown (as in supported its weight due to gravity with her hands) during the ceremony until the coronation because the only local ‘Public Notary’ could not be available for the ceremony due to his kid (actually rumors circulating circa the kid’s birth suggest that the kid may not have been his but this was before DNA testing became reliable and after a number of years taking care of a child a man becomes legally responsible for the child whether the child is genetically his and this number had probably passed by the time the reliability of the testing process became established and testing would have been in bad taste because at this point the kid’s mother had died of breast cancer or suicide I forget which) being at home with hair infested with lice, which meant that the ‘Public Notary’ could not make the ceremony because kids with lice need their hair washed with special shampoo that kills the lice but not the eggs and combed for eggs—although I would dispute the effectiveness of the combing because the whole mechanism behind it seems to require that everyone have hair of the same thickness and probably even one person has different sizes of hair so it seems unreasonable to expect that the comb could really be all that great—because the shampoo does not affect them (the eggs), and my mother was perfectly capable of holding the crown until it was needed sort of like the little rascal at weddings with the rings and a cowlick. Also I have four brothers, one sister, one cat, and one hermit crab.

Maybe we should meet for coffee (cream, two sugars) to discuss possible terms of the contract and to see if we are compatible enough to enter into this sort of arrangement. Also I can send pics (SFW) if you want.

----

Hi Beth,
I would like to discuss this further with you, but i have been getting allot of replies from women from other countries that are scams. so i would like you to send pictures first, and then meet with you for coffee ( cream, two sugars)lol
to see if we are compatible.
Thanks, J_______

----

I know what you mean about scammers.

I was involved with a thing in Mexico when I first went to college that actually turned into a huge ordeal after I agreed to pick up some Oaxacan wood carvings that had been purchased by a friend (well not really a friend I knew this guy who knew him through a different failed entrepreneurial venture: they had tried to invent a facebook-like site for higher primates to interact through cyberspace but failed to realize that these great apes have little exposure to technology and that those in charge aggregate primate-research time by reviewing grants written in narrow paradigms and measured against benchmarks with narrow definitions so what seemed to them a good idea was in fact to the grant reviewers, who had been up all day drinking terrible coffee, a good excuse for a laugh -- and that one of them literally almost died of laughter) and when I went down there the supposed dealer actually locked me in a tipped-over cabinet (it was horizontal) during most of the day and after two months there eating only tortillas and drinking only water (the latter causing greater emotional grief) in the darkness I broke out, drank some of my captor's tequila (yep... pretty much an early college alcoholic), waited for him, realized my heart was beating faster and faster to the point of being on the cusp of getting unsafe, went outside because of my nerves, saw a car approaching, ran, got blinded by sunlight (which remember I at this point I hadn't seen for months), ended up in a field, slept for several days, subsisted on agave, and ended up living with a guy in a rent-free-girlfriend arrangement until I secured the funds to come back to the States and realize that everyone thought I ran away and most of my friends from college -- who were actually a fairly normal crew -- had moved on and they had even replaced me on our moderately-successful-trivia-wise-but-extremely-successful-funny-name-wise trivia team that competed weekly at a pub, which (the pub) was a decent place to get a pint of pretty much anything local.

Anyways we're both wary of foreign scams, so that might be a starting point.

----

wow, you have some intresting stories. the fact that your somewhat replying to my email, makes me feel a little better that your for real. but i would still like to meet with you for coffee, and see a picture of you. let me know what is a good time and place for you.
thanks, J_______

----

A picture is worth hundreds of words and you have told me nothing about yourself. Have you ever had a girlfriend tenant before?

I've previously been involved with this type of relationship (sort of a long story), but it didn't work out well; I lived in a place in high school after running away from home where I had agreed to be an older guys girlfriend and maid and I thought it would work and be easy because he was probably in his eighties and wouldn't be very demanding sexually, but I couldn't have been more wrong: this guy was a total animal and horndog as well as a sleazeball -- probably by nature he couldn't have been so bad I think it was the boredom of being old and not having any active vocation or even really purpose that forced him to sit around all day (his living room housed a fantastic brown-leather couch that his aunt, a spinster who enervated any room she walked into despite being at an age where face it nobody should even be alive at, would always recline in when she came over, sometimes staying days at a time until her grandson, who thought she couldn't hear and yelled at her constantly, which pissed her off, left her house for his place in Florida where he had a giant pool that he ran for people betting on college basketball) and think up messed-up sex acts that he could pharmacologically power himself up for, with the end result being that some of the things he wanted to do and in fact did both a) involved me and b) were not only illegal but frankly evil, although you probably don't want to hear explicit stories about me with an older guy if we are about to start dating after I move in, and have made me a little bit hesitant to get into this whole becoming-girlfriend-and-tenant-without-really-meeting-the-guy thing like I did the last time although you're probably not as old and statistically speaking not likely to be as non-stop horny.

What are your hobbies?

----

WOW ! OK that was another very interesting story. I haven't told you allot about myself yet because i was trying to feel out if you were for real, or another one of those scams. I'm pretty convinced now you are for real. I'm sorry to hear about what you had to go through with that old guy. I can assure you, I'm nothing like that. I'm a very laid back friendly kind of guy. I'm 38, and stay in good shape for my age. I would say i do have a high sex drive, but also have self control, and would never ask any woman to do something they didn't want to do. I have had some bad experiences myself with women, and other things that i will tell you later.
this is the first time i advertised for a roommate/girlfriend type of arrangement myself. I am a little hesitant myself.
I was thinking about some kind of 3 month trial period to see how it works out.
I can afford the rent on my own, but the help would be nice.
I'm new to the area, and don't know many people here yet, but I'm confident with my looks, and personality i will meet new people, and have a girlfriend soon.
I like my privacy and being single can be fun now, but eventually can get a little lonely, and the company, and someone to share my life would be better. also having regular sex with a woman I'm attracted to wouldn't be bad either. lol
If there is no attraction there, just having someone i can get along with that can help with the rent would be ok
i just thought by placing the ad for a roommate/girlfriend could take care of two things at once.
I agree with you, if i get the right woman, it could work out very well. but if i get the wrong one it could be a nightmare.
probably not as bad as what you went through, but something i would like to avoid.
Ok a little bit about me. I'm 100% Italian. i lived most of my life in Colorado, and long island NY. I was married once for 7 years, and had one daughter who lives with my ex in Florida. I went through a bad divorce, which i will tell you about later.
Ive been in the insurance, stock broker, mortgage, and now auto business.
I graduated high school, and went to collage for 3 years, but started working full time, and never graduated I have been snow skiing since i was 8, and is probably my favorite hobby. I also like traveling to new places, meeting new people. i like the mountains, and also like the beach. I work out a few days a week, and try to eat as healthy as possible. some other things i enjoy are camping, hiking, rafting, roller blading, amusement parks, watching movies, and mixed martial arts, listening to music, and of course sex with the right person Ok that's a little bit about me. can i see a picture of you, and set up a time to meet with you?
ps
What is your name?