new jersey devils, part 1

craigslist ad: Writer Needed: New Jersey Devils


Local sports blog website is seeking someone to write about the New Jersey Devils. Knowledge of hockey required.

The blog site focuses on NY and NJ sports teams. This is a non-paying opportunity, however you will be credited as the author of each article you write.

For more information please respond to this ad.

Other writing positions available:

New York Rangers
New York Mets
New York Jets
Rutgers Athletics (Non-Football)
New Jersey Nets
New York Knicks
Seton Hall Pirates Athletics
New Jersey High School Sports 

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Hello:

I am interested in writing stories about the New Jersey Devil. Would you like a sample piece to consider me for the position?

Cheers, Beth

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Beth -

I do currently have someone writing about the Devils. However, I am not opposed to having another as well. If you would like to send some samples I will gladly take a look. Also, are you interested in any other team, or just the Devils?

G______ _________ | Owner
_______ Sports| E: ____________@_____.com
P: XXX-XXX-XXXX | | www._________.com

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G______:

I will send you a story by the end of this week.

Cheers, Beth

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G______:

I enclose my draft of a Devil story. I hope that you enjoy it.

Beth

<<<

Love on the Turnpike: The Story of the New Jersey Devil
by Beth M______

 On the blackest night in recent memory, Michelle Spurlock drove down the Jersey Turnpike. But, alas, her car, a 1789 Dodge Windstar, encountered difficulties. Feelings hit her like a windsock swinging as the wind changed from North-East to North-West were she to have been standing North of the windsock’s axis of rotation. She knew the legend of the New Jersey Devil. She knew that, unless she was a questing paladin, this was the worst stretch of highway for car trouble.

 The New Jersey Devil, that giant beaked lizard whose gaze turns men to stone, inhabits the woods near the Jersey turnpike. And on this particular night intensity and raw palpability of emotion swirled together to form a vortex of terror that matched the Perfect Storm made famous in a movie with George Clooney and based on a book by Sebastian Junger who studied at Wesleyan University. As you, gentle reader, sit in your armchair stroking a mink or marmoset or ferret or other exotic animal with your hot chocolate or mulled wine in front of a fire, you cannot possibly imagine the trepidation and apprehension being pumped through her circulatory system, which was known to circulate fluids but not yet emotions through the human body centuries before the birth of God.

 And her car did break down. A blown gasket, a missing catalytic converter—stolen and sold, and a scuffed hubcap reduced her car to Flinstonian levels of utility. As she had suspected in the deepest ventricles or atria of her heart, that great nexus of the circulatory system, the Devil emerged from the woods. Unlike the lizard she had heard tales of, this Devil looked like a giant, cloven man with blood dripping from its mouth. If the face provides a window to the soul, the Devil’s eyes gave Michelle Spurlock porthole-like fenestra to view the infernos of Hell.

 But then something happened. The Devil spoke to her and told her she misunderstood it. That even though it was a terrifying beast, it had emotions and an interesting circulatory system that provided oxygen to even its most remote extremities, one of which it was right now pumping blood into in order to in anticipation of—based on Michelle Spurlock’s visual response to its advances—making the beast with two backs if you know what I’m saying.

 So that great cloven beast humped Michelle Spurlock in the woods, where she eventually wound up living. Of course this shows that when two cultures collide, unlike the Native Americans who were wiped out by disease and booze when Columbo arrived with automatic weapons, occasionally love wins.

>>>

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Beth -

I think we misunderstood each other. I was looking for sports writers, with the New Jersey Devils hockey team being one of the teams to cover.

With that being said, I did enjoy your short draft of a story about the New Jersey Devil. I can't do anything with that since my website is a sports blog. You do write very well and would love to read more of your stories.

Sorry about the miscommunication.

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Okay I didn't even realize that there was a hockey team bearing that name. Would you like me to write a story about them for your blog?

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Beth -

Not sure how you would write a story about them if you don't know anything about the team.

Mind me asking how old you are? Where you are from? stuff like that.

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G______:

I am capable of rabidly researching any topic to become acquainted with its obvious subtleties. Should I begin work on this team?

I'm 23 years old and living in the ______ ______, which is a rock throw from New Jersey.

Beth

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Beth -

I would prefer someone that is a fan of the team and has inside knowledge of it. Thank you for your interest however.

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G______:

What if I could write about an interview with one of the stars of the New Jersey Devils?

Beth

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What do you mean? How would you interview one of them?

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Getting the interview is my task. Would you like a story featuring such an interview?

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If you can honestly get an interview with a New Jersey Devils player, I would be happy to feature it on my site.

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Okay, I'll take that as a 'yes' and get right to work.

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Beth, just out of curiosity....do you have a picture of yourself that I can see?

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I'll send a picture along with the story.

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ok

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G______:

I enclosed the first part of the story. I'll send the next as soon as I can depending on how tomorrow goes.

Cheers, Beth

<<<

The Ilya Kovalchuk Story Part 1: Getting the Interview, Breeching the Whale
by Beth M______

 Today I created a false virtual identity on the internet, the world’s most famous e-platform, to dupe a hockey star into granting me an interview. I had been assigned the task of getting an interview with one of the New Jersey Devils to secure a paid position with the elite _______ sports blog. With this assignment, I wanted to impress. I wanted to land the biggest fish they have: Ilya Kovalchuk, a God-like killing machine who inflicts mortal wounds on his foes every time he laces his skates and steps on the hockey field.

 Getting to Kovalchuk would not be easy. First, I crafted a twitter under the alias Michelle Spurlock. I requested to follow Kovalchuk. He added me within fifteen minutes. Now I know that he has hundreds of adoring fans, so to get a personal audience I would have to bring out the big guns. Not to worry—this was not my first rodeo or my first time using twitter to gain a personal audience with a minor celebrity.

 I used my own picture for Michelle Spurlock’s profile because I wanted him to recognize me when we met in person. To ensure that I would catch this monster marlin, I baited the hook with a ménage a trois. And with my message enclosed a picture of reporter and hottie and subject of recent Jets controversy Ines Sainz. Later, I plan to argue that using a reporter’s image in the solicitation grants me license to publish anything he says at our meeting. Although the message is too salacious for the ________ sports blog’s gentle readers, the offer was clear enough: meet two women at a hotel for some drinks and good times.

 As luck and its slow-mutant uncle fate would have it, Kovalchuk must have been online. He messaged back within twenty minutes and asked for more pictures. I found a few of Sainz and used a few of myself from a recent beach trip. He asked for one of us together and for some dirtier photographs. Although I spent half an hour on google images without employing its SafeSearch feature, I couldn’t find nude images of Sainz. But I sent him a few of myself to secure the meeting.

 And just when I thought the cookie had crumbled into the shards of a mirror reflecting broken dreams, something happened in a major way. He sent me a time and a hotel name. The date loomed with raw, unchecked immediacy—it was the next day. The hotel, a Manhattan standard, was accessible and expensive.

 But how would I prepare to meet this enormous tuna known as the Kovalchuk? Would he have the heart and backing circulatory system to hold up his word? And how would he react to Sainz not being there? Would he answer my questions? What would I wear? Would he take me to the hotel room when he found out that I was not Michelle Spurlock but a grit-toothed reporter on a mission to get a story?

>>>

*

G______:

I include the second part as well as a picture. This has been a great assignment. What should I work on next?

Beth

<<<

The Ilya Kovalchuk Story Part 2: Interviewing a Humungous Halibut
by Beth M______

 With nerves aflutter and knees of butter, I waited in a massive hotel lobby to reel in a massive fish that I had caught on twitter. I waited to interview Ilya Kovalchuk, star of the New Jersey hockey team nicknamed the Devils.

 My heart beat like a metronome, changing pace as the tides of my nerves rolled in and out and pumping blood through my circulatory system and hands and feet. I wondered if the star player would show up. I started to worry that maybe his twitter account was a fake and that the person who showed up would be some smelly dude or, worse, his wife. Or maybe that when he showed up he would leave when Ives Sainz wasn’t with me. Or he wouldn’t answer questions.

 Seconds passed and became minutes, which passed to become hours. I ate two finger bowls of salty snacks and worked my way through two whiskey sours. I worried about my shirt and checked my makeup countless times. I worried and twice caught myself about to chew my nails. Finally I thought he wouldn’t show up and I almost left.

 But then something happened like a wild lightning bolt striking a predator in a hurricane and leaving it in flames under the stars. Ninety minutes late, the fish walked out of the water and into the hotel lobby. Hot blood circulated through my system and I jumped up to meet him.

 Ilya Kovalchuk stands six foot two and cuts an imposing figure even while trying to look anonymous. He wore a low hat and dark glasses with a loose jacket over brown pants. He asked me, “you Michelle?”

 “If you want me to be,” I replied.

 He asked if we should go up to the room. But I had not gotten one, so I stalled and asked him to buy me a drink first. Plus you would think he could afford the room—he makes six million dollars per year.

 “Only have hour,” he said. I ignored him and ordered another whiskey sour.

 “Where other girl?” he asked.

 “She’s waiting up in the room,” I said.

 When I asked about hockey about a dozen times, his longest reply was, “hockey good.” More often, he said nothing or grunted. After sitting for five minutes he stood up. I panicked, thinking that he would leave. But he walked over to a corner and pulled down his pants. I started to walk over to him, but he sat on the edge of a large potted plant. He concentrated and farted. I watched as furrowed his brow, looked at the ground, and crapped into the plant.

 After he finished without applying standard bathroom-cleanliness procedures, he said, “go room.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the elevator. A group of twenty kids wearing neon orange field-trip t-shirts and chaperoned by two exasperated and underpaid twentysomethings walked into the lobby. As we rode the elevator up to a floor that he chose, he stood against the glass facing the lobby.

 And then something happened like a king winging a sabre at a Canadian senator wearing a blue jacket in the blues capital of the world and the canuck ducking. He was concentrating again and working with his pants. As we ascended, he exposed his shriveled pecker to the spellbound middle-school students sprinkled throughout the lobby. One pointed. A chaperone hung his head, shamed by his own failure to shield the kids from indecency. When the elevator stopped before our destination to allow other passengers, I ran.

 I have not seen Ilya Kovalchuk, killing machine on the hockey field and mongoloid pervert off of it, since I fled that elevator.

>>>

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Great story..love how you wrote it. Is that picture really of you? Or just the character in the story?

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Yes that is me. If you like, I can also send the picture of Ines Sainz.

When do you intend to feature the story on your site? Maybe to coincide with the start of the season?

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I will try to find an appropriate time to feature it.

Have to admit, I am curious what would have happened if you ended up in the room lol.

And no need for the Ines pics, I know what she looks like. Just wanted to know if that was truly you. Maybe I should ask for the same pics Ilya did lol

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Laughing out loud -- I know what happens to girls when they send pics like that to popular bloggers.

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Oh yea? Whats that?

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I have enclosed the equivalent of 1010 words on the subject. 1011 if you count both sides of a contraction.

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haha. Where do you live again?

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I'm in _______. But close to NJ.

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I am throwing around the idea of having a model for my site. Would you be interested?

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I would like to have a few published stories under your belt first so that I would be assured that I'm being taken seriously.