writer for hire

craigslist ad entitled 'Writer Extraordinaire' including several hyphens used for em-dashes

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Hello:

I seek a writer for several tasks because my company develops content for web delivery (electronic delivery or simply 'e-delivery'). But I am unsure about your ability to distinguish between a hyphen, an en-dash, and an em-dash. Can you explain how you choose among them?

Thanks, Beth

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Hi Beth:

Most of my writings have been of a more creative nature, so this dash situation has never been an issue.
But since you have asked, here is my explanation:

1) hyphen (-): I would use to hyphenate words

2) en dash (–): I would use to denote a range of numbers

3) em dash (—): I would use to denote a pause in thought

You have my curiosity piqued as to what type of writing you require with your question. Hope my answer satisifies your query and I hope to hear from you again.

Regards,

D_______

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D_______:

Your explanation sounds reasonable. And your creativity may be a plus if you work for us. We have a sales pitch that we want to inseminate to potential customers through an e-platform (e.g., the World Wide Web or 'internet'). Essentially, we would like to employ targeted advertising for a novel product through electronic communication [as mentioned earlier, over the internet (information superhighway)]. Do you have experience that might pertain to writing in such a medium?

For compensation, we typically put together a package of cash, incentives (money for a successful pitch), and coupons (due to the nature of the business, we typically enjoy a surplus of discounts on foodstuffs). In the past, those that we have hired (FI: 'hirelings') have found the compensation to be quite good.

Cordially, Beth

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Hi Beth:

My marketing experience is very limited, but I'm sure my creativity would compensate. Please advise more specific details about this writing position and about the company. Then I could make a sound assessment as to whether or not my writing abilities would benefit you or not.

Thanks and I look forward to hearing more about this project.

Regards,

D_______

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D_______:

We work with a consortium of entrepreneurial ventures to provide herbal remedies for any ailment. Basically, we get a list of herbal products a company (EV) developed. But they are not even named yet, they come as lists of numbers and letters like AVT34RE9-745 (obviously for confidentiality reasons this is not a real product). Then we have to name the herbal products and decide what we they do. It can be a grind because the throughput rate is low, but when we have a success and a product breaks through it can really be big.

Again, we want to inseminate potential customers over the WWW (via targeted emails to extremely large groups). Once the initial seeding is done (via the internet or, more simply, just the 'net), either the product takes off by word of mouth or it does not.

So it is a combination of creativity and marketing, and it is of the utmost importance that the writing be completely technically correct because nobody (not a single person) will buy herbal remedies otherwise.

Does this sound interesting?

Cordially, Beth

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Hi Beth:

Sounds interesting. Would like to see a sample of a previous writing to see what exactly is involved.

Also, would like some specific information about the company (name, address, website, etc...) and the specific compensation for a writing job if you and I decide to get involved.

Thanks and have a good weekend.

Regards,

D_______

coach purse

craigslist post: REAL coach purse - $350

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Hello:

I've seen this before. Receipts are obviously much easier to fake than handbags. However, if the replica is decent, I will give you $40 for it.

Thanks, Beth

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sry not a replica so no

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Hello:

You drive a hard bargain. Do you have pics of the bag? Have you ever stored anything strange in it? Used it to keep a pet?

Thanks, Beth

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no..yes i can text pics

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Actually if it is real, and I'm starting to think it is, $350 is a fair price. But I'm nervous about this. I've bought many bags that wound up having had a varmint of some sort (e.g., one lady kept a marmoset in there) stored in them. Could we have a third party scour the interior for animal hair?

Beth

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lmao the bag no is co969~13838 i can text pics my bro bought for his girl mnth later she moved out n gave all gifts bk

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Do you know if your brother's girlfriend kept any animals in the bag during the month that she had it?

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she has no animals not even a goldfish

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Haha how could she keep a goldfish in a Coach bag? It probably isn't even waterproof!

Are you okay with testing for animal hair and remnants before purchase?

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if done at my house yes

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Okay thank you. The testing process is an unfortunate necessity to establish that no animals have inhabited or been transported in the bag. I've enclosed a form from a local business that administers the tests. Could you peruse the form, print it out, sign and date it, scan it, and email it back to me? If you don't have a scanner we could set up a fax. I know that the process can be annoying, but they won't go anywhere without the form.

Thanks, Beth

flooring

craigslist post:

$477 Room Available May 1st - for the Summer (N B________)

Available 5/1
$477 + 1 Month Security - all utilities included
4 Month lease


Large Townhome
Near NCCC
Family Oriented Community
W/W Carpeting
Off Street Parking
3 Bedroom-2.5 Baths
Single Car Garage
New A/C and Central Heat
1600 Sq Ft Home
B________ School District

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Hello:

I am interested in renting a place but I am worried about the size. How big is 1600 Sq Ft?

Beth

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Hello,

the place is pretty big. You would be sharing with two other tenants and each has their own bedroom. Living space is very open.

I have a similar place that houses a family of 5 comfortably.

Let me know if interested in doing a drive by
M_______

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M_______:

Does it have wooden floors?

Beth

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No,

But w/w Carpet and vinyl flooring in kitchen

You can see pictures @ _________.com

M_______

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M_______:

Would this be high-quality vinyl or the normal stuff?

Thanks, Beth

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Normal stuff. Do you have allergies?

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No, but one of my hobbies requires a large, high-quality, smooth surface. What is the biggest rectangle that could be inscribed in the vinyl area?

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The Kitchen is about 12X16.

There is also a cement patio and a garage floor if that helps.

Let me know if interested

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Is the garage floor sanded cement or is it rough?

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regular poured cement. You would have to judge the quality.

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Hmm is this the case for the patio also?

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Yes. Standard patio

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That 12X16 figure, I assume that that is in feet?

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correct

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Would all of the tenants have access to the vinyl area?

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Yes.

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Hmm. Once a week could the vinyl area be cordoned off from the common area?

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Unfortunately no, it is the kitchen area that needs full access.

I do not think this property is going to be the right fit for you.

good luck with your search.

Best
M_______

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Maybe the other tenants would not need to use this area at night and I could erect a nocturnal partition once per week?

Thanks, Beth

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Sorry, I am afraid that would not be feasible.

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Hmm. Would it be possible to lay down high-quality vinyl over an area of equal size in the garage?

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Unfortunately no... this is only a temporary lease through August.

I hope you find a place that can accommodate your hobby.

Good luck

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Hmm. Are all the bedrooms carpeted?

hitachi grill

craigslist post:

RE: 57 inch Hitachi wide screen‏ television $550

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RE: 57 inch Hibachi wide screen‏

Hello:

I am very interested in your grill. What are you selling it for?

Thanks, Beth

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It's a Hitachi TV not a grill. $550

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Will you sell both of them for $800?

Thanks, Beth

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I have to have 900 for both the hibachi and the hitachi. They are in great shape.

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850. Do you have pics?

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No I don't have pics other than what is on the listing. I listed my camera and sold it. I would take $850 plus a trade. What do you have to trade?

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I have a Ford Aerostar from 1997 with 140k miles on it. Probably worth about $250. If we do $850 for the television and the grill, what would you trade for the Aerostar? Maybe do you have a digital camera?

Beth

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What color is the van? Is the stereo loud? If I were to use it to haul people across a border, how many could it haul? Oh yeah, do you speak Spanish?

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It is white and unfortunately the stereo does not function. I have not tried using it to transport people across the border, which frankly sounds illegal. Mostly I use it to deliver old clocks around the area. I had a boutique e-business (on the World Wide Web or 'WWW') for about twenty (20) years, but I am selling it so I no longer need the van. Are you still interested in the van even though the stereo doesn't work? What do you propose to trade for the van?

Thanks, Beth

wood shop

craigslist post:

Guy buying house and looking for roommates. Specifies that he is a Christian.

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Christian:

I am considering your offer, but I have a few concerns. Actually they are more like demands. First of all, I would like to own and operate a woodworking studio. I am willing to purchase most of the equipment, but since I will be making all of our furniture you will have to chip in. Secondmost, obviously I will need the space for this. Thirdly, this creates a massive amount of sawdust so we'll need a full-on hyperventilation system.

I am not so much the hardass as I may sound; mostly I'm just a chilled-out chick who likes to spend all day smoking weed and operating a bandsaw. Also I make a pretty good turkey chili so if you're interested send me an email with your questions. When should I be there to meet you and put the deposit down?

Beth

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Sorry Beth, but it looks like I am not going to be purchasing a home in B________. Being a grad student won't exactly pay all the bills, in case I don't have renters and in case there are other financial burdens. Also, the place most likely would have already had furniture and I've never heard of a hyperventilation system (?). Ventilation, sure, but hyperventilation is a bad physiological response to something. I like turkey chili, but smoking weed while using a bandsaw just sounds like a bad combination. Anyway, hope things go well for you.

Take care,

Mike

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Christian:

It is too bad that you cannot purchase a home in Bethlehem alone. Perhaps we could go in on one together (join forces, financially). While I don't have a tremendous amount of money, I am often quite resourceful. For instance, if we had a mortgage of $1500/month and I built two chairs and a table and sold them for $200 each and $500 respectively that would be $900, which is 45% of the monthly mortgage and almost covers my half. We might need some start-up money for the wood shop but I see positive things come out of this venture. Let's try to hash out the details this week; I'm anxious to get started.

Beth

inspection

$400 L_______ University Student Rental (S_____ B_______)

One bedroon left in a 4 bedroom 1 1/2 bath L_______ University Student Rental. Great Location almost on Campus. 2 male and 1 female, 5th year, studnets are looking for a Female, Male , Grad or Undergrad to complete the house. House is City Of B_________ inspected. No pets Sorry. If interested please email back. Thanks

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hello:

you state that your house has been inspected, but you do not list the result of the inspection. did they find anything?

also i have a few other questions regarding this listing. what is your policy on pets? how many bedrooms are there? who is currently living there?

-beth

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HI Beth,
The house passed the inspection. It always does i say that beause some landlords do not get their houses inspected. Sorry no pets. I am a big pet lover of all kind but student housing is not the place for them for many reasons. It is a 4 bedroom house and 1/12 baths. It is on Van B______ street . I have 3 students currently. 2 male and 1 female they are all 5th year students. Any other question please ask. Steve

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steve:

i realize that the inspection has passed. but i am wondering what the inspectors found. for instance, when health inspectors go into a restaurant they might look for something like cockroaches. inspections always have some sort of purpose; this is their nature. so merely telling me that the inspection occurred is like saying that inspectors were there, which is itself germane but doesn't really tell the whole story ("tale of the tape" etc).

-beth

girlfriend wanted?

craigslist post with title: $300 female roommate with the possibility of being future girlfriend (S A__________)

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My name is Beth and I am interested in the room you are offering on ‘craigslist.’ I’m a student at a local university and my financial situation has gone South. I can be your girlfriend right away, but I cannot afford rent. I do have some conditions. There will be no videotaping, no contracts, and no physical violence. Also I would like to use any motorcars on the premises for groceries or yoga approximately twice per three days (this is roughly 67% of days).

You probably want to know about my history. I come from a good family. My father invented an impeccable chicken feed that is widely used in the Midwest of the United States of America (if I refer to this later in this message I may call it the ‘American Midwest’ or just the ‘Midwest’) and my mother held the crown of Miss Wanchusett Falls; she did not win the pageant but she literally physically held the crown (as in supported its weight due to gravity with her hands) during the ceremony until the coronation because the only local ‘Public Notary’ could not be available for the ceremony due to his kid (actually rumors circulating circa the kid’s birth suggest that the kid may not have been his but this was before DNA testing became reliable and after a number of years taking care of a child a man becomes legally responsible for the child whether the child is genetically his and this number had probably passed by the time the reliability of the testing process became established and testing would have been in bad taste because at this point the kid’s mother had died of breast cancer or suicide I forget which) being at home with hair infested with lice, which meant that the ‘Public Notary’ could not make the ceremony because kids with lice need their hair washed with special shampoo that kills the lice but not the eggs and combed for eggs—although I would dispute the effectiveness of the combing because the whole mechanism behind it seems to require that everyone have hair of the same thickness and probably even one person has different sizes of hair so it seems unreasonable to expect that the comb could really be all that great—because the shampoo does not affect them (the eggs), and my mother was perfectly capable of holding the crown until it was needed sort of like the little rascal at weddings with the rings and a cowlick. Also I have four brothers, one sister, one cat, and one hermit crab.

Maybe we should meet for coffee (cream, two sugars) to discuss possible terms of the contract and to see if we are compatible enough to enter into this sort of arrangement. Also I can send pics (SFW) if you want.

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Hi Beth,
I would like to discuss this further with you, but i have been getting allot of replies from women from other countries that are scams. so i would like you to send pictures first, and then meet with you for coffee ( cream, two sugars)lol
to see if we are compatible.
Thanks, J_______

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I know what you mean about scammers.

I was involved with a thing in Mexico when I first went to college that actually turned into a huge ordeal after I agreed to pick up some Oaxacan wood carvings that had been purchased by a friend (well not really a friend I knew this guy who knew him through a different failed entrepreneurial venture: they had tried to invent a facebook-like site for higher primates to interact through cyberspace but failed to realize that these great apes have little exposure to technology and that those in charge aggregate primate-research time by reviewing grants written in narrow paradigms and measured against benchmarks with narrow definitions so what seemed to them a good idea was in fact to the grant reviewers, who had been up all day drinking terrible coffee, a good excuse for a laugh -- and that one of them literally almost died of laughter) and when I went down there the supposed dealer actually locked me in a tipped-over cabinet (it was horizontal) during most of the day and after two months there eating only tortillas and drinking only water (the latter causing greater emotional grief) in the darkness I broke out, drank some of my captor's tequila (yep... pretty much an early college alcoholic), waited for him, realized my heart was beating faster and faster to the point of being on the cusp of getting unsafe, went outside because of my nerves, saw a car approaching, ran, got blinded by sunlight (which remember I at this point I hadn't seen for months), ended up in a field, slept for several days, subsisted on agave, and ended up living with a guy in a rent-free-girlfriend arrangement until I secured the funds to come back to the States and realize that everyone thought I ran away and most of my friends from college -- who were actually a fairly normal crew -- had moved on and they had even replaced me on our moderately-successful-trivia-wise-but-extremely-successful-funny-name-wise trivia team that competed weekly at a pub, which (the pub) was a decent place to get a pint of pretty much anything local.

Anyways we're both wary of foreign scams, so that might be a starting point.

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wow, you have some intresting stories. the fact that your somewhat replying to my email, makes me feel a little better that your for real. but i would still like to meet with you for coffee, and see a picture of you. let me know what is a good time and place for you.
thanks, J_______

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A picture is worth hundreds of words and you have told me nothing about yourself. Have you ever had a girlfriend tenant before?

I've previously been involved with this type of relationship (sort of a long story), but it didn't work out well; I lived in a place in high school after running away from home where I had agreed to be an older guys girlfriend and maid and I thought it would work and be easy because he was probably in his eighties and wouldn't be very demanding sexually, but I couldn't have been more wrong: this guy was a total animal and horndog as well as a sleazeball -- probably by nature he couldn't have been so bad I think it was the boredom of being old and not having any active vocation or even really purpose that forced him to sit around all day (his living room housed a fantastic brown-leather couch that his aunt, a spinster who enervated any room she walked into despite being at an age where face it nobody should even be alive at, would always recline in when she came over, sometimes staying days at a time until her grandson, who thought she couldn't hear and yelled at her constantly, which pissed her off, left her house for his place in Florida where he had a giant pool that he ran for people betting on college basketball) and think up messed-up sex acts that he could pharmacologically power himself up for, with the end result being that some of the things he wanted to do and in fact did both a) involved me and b) were not only illegal but frankly evil, although you probably don't want to hear explicit stories about me with an older guy if we are about to start dating after I move in, and have made me a little bit hesitant to get into this whole becoming-girlfriend-and-tenant-without-really-meeting-the-guy thing like I did the last time although you're probably not as old and statistically speaking not likely to be as non-stop horny.

What are your hobbies?

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WOW ! OK that was another very interesting story. I haven't told you allot about myself yet because i was trying to feel out if you were for real, or another one of those scams. I'm pretty convinced now you are for real. I'm sorry to hear about what you had to go through with that old guy. I can assure you, I'm nothing like that. I'm a very laid back friendly kind of guy. I'm 38, and stay in good shape for my age. I would say i do have a high sex drive, but also have self control, and would never ask any woman to do something they didn't want to do. I have had some bad experiences myself with women, and other things that i will tell you later.
this is the first time i advertised for a roommate/girlfriend type of arrangement myself. I am a little hesitant myself.
I was thinking about some kind of 3 month trial period to see how it works out.
I can afford the rent on my own, but the help would be nice.
I'm new to the area, and don't know many people here yet, but I'm confident with my looks, and personality i will meet new people, and have a girlfriend soon.
I like my privacy and being single can be fun now, but eventually can get a little lonely, and the company, and someone to share my life would be better. also having regular sex with a woman I'm attracted to wouldn't be bad either. lol
If there is no attraction there, just having someone i can get along with that can help with the rent would be ok
i just thought by placing the ad for a roommate/girlfriend could take care of two things at once.
I agree with you, if i get the right woman, it could work out very well. but if i get the wrong one it could be a nightmare.
probably not as bad as what you went through, but something i would like to avoid.
Ok a little bit about me. I'm 100% Italian. i lived most of my life in Colorado, and long island NY. I was married once for 7 years, and had one daughter who lives with my ex in Florida. I went through a bad divorce, which i will tell you about later.
Ive been in the insurance, stock broker, mortgage, and now auto business.
I graduated high school, and went to collage for 3 years, but started working full time, and never graduated I have been snow skiing since i was 8, and is probably my favorite hobby. I also like traveling to new places, meeting new people. i like the mountains, and also like the beach. I work out a few days a week, and try to eat as healthy as possible. some other things i enjoy are camping, hiking, rafting, roller blading, amusement parks, watching movies, and mixed martial arts, listening to music, and of course sex with the right person Ok that's a little bit about me. can i see a picture of you, and set up a time to meet with you?
ps
What is your name?

where is the room?

craigslist ad deleted, but basically just offering a room in K________

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Hello:

I am interested in moving somewhere but I do not know where K________ is. Actually I'm only familiar with the American provinces from a tactical standpoint.

Thank you in advance for your kind reply.

Beth

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Hi Beth,

K________ is located in Southeastern Pennsylvania. 60 miles from Philadelphia, and approx. 2 hours from New York City.

-T_______

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T_______:

Belt-wise, how would you classify 'Southeastern Pennsylvania'? I am aware that this is far to the North (Northwards) of the Bible Belt of the United States of America (or simply 'Bible Belt') but strictly speaking, although I know that this country is composed of a number of belts, I am incapable of listing or enumerating all of them. I know that there is a Rust Belt of the United States of America and an Orange Belt of either the United States of America or karate.

Also I appreciate the travel distances to nearby cities, but you fail to mention the mode of transportation that this assumes if going to New York. Is it 2 hours walking or by boat or by car?

Thank you in advance for your understanding.

Beth

filling rooms with what?

craigslist ad:

$275 Two rooms available CHEAP!!! (L______ University)

Located just seconds from campus. We have three rooms filled, just
need two more. We are waiting until we have all five on board to
renew/sign the lease, which would be between June 1st 2010, and May
31st 2011. The rent total for 5 is $1250 per month, and per person it
varies depending on the size your room. This last year, it averaged
out to between $300 and $375 for everything, including utilities,
cable, etc. This is a hell of deal, so act fast. Please email me with
any questions.

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I'm interested in the cheap rooms. You said you had two rooms filled.
Maybe this is private but if you don't mind me asking, what did you
fill them with? I've lived places where rooms were used as storage
before, but occasionally they can become infested if the person
filling the room with stored goods seals them improperly -- especially
if they include foodstuffs.

Please let me know as soon as possible (ASAP).

Beth

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I'm sorry, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. The are 5
bedrooms, and we have 3 people ready to sign the lease. That leaves
two more people needed to "fill" the house. We are three college males
entering our senior year next year. For the most part, the house is
pretty quiet, we mostly hang out in our rooms. Here is a couple of
questions that will help us narrow down our possible roommates. Do you attend L_______? How old are you? Do you have any pets?

Thanks for the consideration,
D_______

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Maybe I'm being obtuse but I am not asking who will "fill" the rooms.
I am asking what they will be "fill"ed with. I do not have a problem
with pets -- I don't have any myself -- but I hope that is not what
you are planning to "fill" a room with. I lived with a guy who
"fill"ed a room with birds and it was incredibly annoying. Also the
sheer amount of foodstuffs consumed by this room of birds imposed
budget constraints that brought the whole situation (the housing
agreement etc) crashing down due to unfulfilled obligations.

Thank you in advance for being patient with me.

Beth

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We are filling the rooms with people. We don't have any pets and we
keep our food in the kitchen.

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People can fill rooms. Machines, such as construction equipment, can
also fill rooms (for instance with cement). What I am asking you is:
WHAT will the rooms be filled with? For instance, one plausible answer
would be "oats." Or any other foodstuff. I will consider living in the
room that is available depending on WHAT will fill the other room.

Thanks for your rapid replies, and I'm sorry I haven't been more clear.

Beth

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I changed my mind, We are filling all our rooms with bird and oats. Lots and lots of oats. You probably wouldn't be interested in living here.

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Wait birds and oats or just oats? It sounds like you have a lot of oats, and despite what you seem to think I am interested in living there. In fact, this amplifies my interest: in my opinion if there is an arc of foodstuffs, oats stand alone at its zenith.

Maybe we can meet for coffee or even breakfast. Since you seem inundated with oats, perhaps we possibly could share the plenitude and hold palaver on your providence?

Thank you for clearing up the issue, although I feel there may still be a measure of misunderstanding between us. I appreciate your continued patience.

Beth