craigslist ad: looking for a Church
We have a few productuions coming out in the next three months. we perform insparational plays. we are looking for churches where we can perform our plays at.
if you know of a church that is a nice size and that rent their facilties for shows. please forward the location, contact information to me please. we look forward to hearing from you
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Hello:
I am in charge of church programming at a medium-size church in B_______, XX. Could you tell me a bit more about your inspirational plays?
Thanks, Beth
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Hello:
Thank you for contacting T_____ Productions. Our inspirational plays cover various issues in today's society and utilizes the Word of God to effect the outcome of each situation. We have also taken biblical stories and brought them to life in order to show Gods Word is the same yesterday today and forever. God has given me the ability to minister to a wide range of age groups from the teenage to the grandmother, Pastors to the congregations. From HE'S STILL A MAN TO WHAT KIND OF LOVE IS THIS. A GRANDMOTHERS PRAYER TO LORD MAKE ME OVER AND SO MUCH MORE.
Please feel free to visit our website at _______.com or if there is a particular play you see listed that you would like to know the story line for you can contact me via email or at XXX*XXX*XXXX.
T______ _________
CHANGING LIVES ONE PLAY AT A TIME!
I believe that
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T____:
Due to the forces at work within our congregation, we need some real fire-and-brimstone stuff. Is anything of that nature within your repertoire?
Yours, Beth
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I would need a little more detail as to what forces you are dealing with. For instance What kind of Love is this will take you on an adventure most will cast judgment but in the end ask themselves is that the way they have treated God. It is based on the story the prophet Hosea. On the other hand i have He's Still a Man which deal with a Pastor who comes under attack and while he is tending to the needs of the church and church people he forgets about the needs of his wife and he comes under attack by the spirit of Jezebel. The church is talking but there is no one praying. for leadership. That's just to name a few.
When you say forces and would need to know the type. I know many churches come under attack with Jezebel, Tithes and Offering, lack of prayer, homosexuality and unforgiveness, lack of father figures and the effects on families, losing our young men to gang violence. I have plays that address all of the above.
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Miracles impress our congregation more than they should. It seems just strange to me that so many Christians are doting on their own “salvation”, that they fail to recognize, and appreciate, the people and things around them. Financial concerns force our minister to use more and more elaborate miracles stories. We're hoping to have a third party come instill a healthy fear of hell so that he can get back to talking about values and won't have to rely on the fantastic (in the classic sense). Do you understand me?
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Good day Sister Beth
Our plays deal more with showing God’s point of view on our actions. For instance For the Love of Money shows how money is not the answer to all of our problems. Money can’t heal us and when we make money our God. We will spend all of it trying to get health which God has already promised through the stripes of his son to all of His children.
We also have What Kind of Love is This which deals with a wife who seeks wordly posessions and her husband who is always preaching about the love of God is actually tested when he finds her about to sell her body for money.
We find the best way to get people to see what they are doing is by showing them what God has sacrificed for us and this is how we say thank you.
I think either of these plays will cause anyone stop and think about how ungrateful we can become. please email me soon
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I'm sure you know that most Christians, and Christian speakers, are self centered. Looking to save themselves. And telling other people how to save themselves. So we're looking to get away from dazzling the congregation with magick and miracle and get back to telling them the decisions that they should be making.
The prostitution play interests me. Does it refer to damnation and the hell the harlot risks?
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What Kind Of Love Is This
is taken right from the book of hosea when God told the prophet to marry a Harlot to show our hearts
getting us to turn from our own ways.
maybe your looknig for something i have been worknig on how shall you answer giving us a real look into what life would be if we ended up in hell though everyone think they are going to heaven
what denomination do you belong to? what is the name of your church
*
How shall you answer a stage play to get all believers to see you can walk around with bitterness and unforgiveness in your hear and thing everything is going to be ok one day you may wake up in hell though you think you going to heaven
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In my opinion, a stage play provides the perfect medium to teach our congregation about this topic from the stage. Everyone wants to see real miracles. Well if it seems to be real, it's illusion. For every moment of truth, there's confusion in life. I could go on and on and on about heaven and hell. But you understand what we need, right?
Beth
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Ok
we have (what kind of love is this) as well as (for the love of money)
i guess at this point your church would consider what kind of love is this
can you please forward the following information so we can move forward with this project
when are you looking to have us to perform date and time ?
size of the church?
the amount of people in the congregation?
will this be a fundraiser?
do you guys have a sound system?
when can we look at the location of the venue please email me soon with
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I want to know what 'What Kind of Love Is This' is; I want you to tell me.
We don't have a date set yet, but we want to move fast. I'm worried that we're losing people unless we come up with more and more awesome miracles to tell them about. I worry that they are missing the real miracles we have going around us every day. In our families. Little treasures that God gives us to make life bearable.
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ok I tell you what give me a call to discuss more please again tell us the name of your church and how many members. or better yet if you was making a play what would it be about. i can make something dealing with the issues in your chruch but i need to have alot more details then the emails we have going on. give me how soon you are looking to do it and would you guys sale tickets etc... this information i need to know.
the size of the church if there is a stage or not please email me soon or contact me
call XXX XXX XXXX t___
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Two hundred members would watch the performance. We have a stage and a sound system. But let us settle the content first.
If I wrote a play, it would show how no minor sins exist. I would show God damning people for sins without accounting for their severity. Or I would write about the human lives of Jesus and Mary. There were no miracles in the Holy Family. NONE. No moving of mountains. No healing the sick. Just two young people, trying to figure out what to do, in an absolutely weird situation, and flying by the seats of their pants.
But I want to know what your play is about. I reiterate: I want to know what 'What Kind of Love Is This' is; I want you to show me.
Yours, Beth
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I pray this is enough information for you
about our play
this is the question the minister is left with at the end but it is the question he ask the people of God. What Kind of Love is this that we show the father
<<< enclosed: Synopsis – WHAT KIND OF LOVE IS THIS
Harold a God fearing man-loving husband- devoted father....
>>>
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Wait one second. She cheats on him because he is gay? Our church does not allow homosexuality, even on the stage.
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??no this story is taken from the life of hosea the profit
( he is not gay)she runs to her many lovers --meaning lovers of this world hints like the people of God run to their many lovers. please give me a call to discuss further want to help show Gods word through plays with you but not sure we are on the same page exaclty
XXX-XXX-XXXX
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Oh I thought you said he was a man-loving, husband-devoted father?
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Harold a God fearing man-loving husband- devoted fathe
*
Good day Sister we are still waiting for information about your church
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Wow okay. You mean that he is a God-fearing man, loving husband, and devoted father. I gotta take a little time -- a little time to think it over. I better read between the lines. Also I should talk to the minister about it before we make any big decisions.
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sure no problem
_________.com for more information
~~~~
meanwhile,
Hello:
I'm wondering if someone on your staff is interested in seeing a play called "What Kind of Love Is This." The play deals with a wife who seeks wordly posessions and her husband who is always preaching about the love of God is actually tested when he finds her about to sell her body for money. We will compensate you for your time.
Thanks, Beth
Thursday, September 30, 2010
missing computer stand
craigslist ad in the 'free' section: Computer stand--GONE
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Hello:
Could I possibly come by to take a look at where the computer stand used to be?
I may be of some assistance in locating it.
Yours, Beth
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WHAT are you talking about it was FREE meaning GIVING IT AWAY why would I want to know where it is ???????
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Thanks for your response. Is there any kind of reward for relocating the stand? That would help make this case a priority, but I'll work without one. I'm trying to create awareness for my services.
Yours, Beth
----
Hello:
Could I possibly come by to take a look at where the computer stand used to be?
I may be of some assistance in locating it.
Yours, Beth
----
WHAT are you talking about it was FREE meaning GIVING IT AWAY why would I want to know where it is ???????
----
Thanks for your response. Is there any kind of reward for relocating the stand? That would help make this case a priority, but I'll work without one. I'm trying to create awareness for my services.
Yours, Beth
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
new jersey devils, part 1
craigslist ad: Writer Needed: New Jersey Devils
Local sports blog website is seeking someone to write about the New Jersey Devils. Knowledge of hockey required.
The blog site focuses on NY and NJ sports teams. This is a non-paying opportunity, however you will be credited as the author of each article you write.
For more information please respond to this ad.
Other writing positions available:
New York Rangers
New York Mets
New York Jets
Rutgers Athletics (Non-Football)
New Jersey Nets
New York Knicks
Seton Hall Pirates Athletics
New Jersey High School Sports
----
Hello:
I am interested in writing stories about the New Jersey Devil. Would you like a sample piece to consider me for the position?
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth -
I do currently have someone writing about the Devils. However, I am not opposed to having another as well. If you would like to send some samples I will gladly take a look. Also, are you interested in any other team, or just the Devils?
G______ _________ | Owner
_______ Sports| E: ____________@_____.com
P: XXX-XXX-XXXX | | www._________.com
----
G______:
I will send you a story by the end of this week.
Cheers, Beth
----
G______:
I enclose my draft of a Devil story. I hope that you enjoy it.
Beth
<<<
Love on the Turnpike: The Story of the New Jersey Devil
by Beth M______
On the blackest night in recent memory, Michelle Spurlock drove down the Jersey Turnpike. But, alas, her car, a 1789 Dodge Windstar, encountered difficulties. Feelings hit her like a windsock swinging as the wind changed from North-East to North-West were she to have been standing North of the windsock’s axis of rotation. She knew the legend of the New Jersey Devil. She knew that, unless she was a questing paladin, this was the worst stretch of highway for car trouble.
The New Jersey Devil, that giant beaked lizard whose gaze turns men to stone, inhabits the woods near the Jersey turnpike. And on this particular night intensity and raw palpability of emotion swirled together to form a vortex of terror that matched the Perfect Storm made famous in a movie with George Clooney and based on a book by Sebastian Junger who studied at Wesleyan University. As you, gentle reader, sit in your armchair stroking a mink or marmoset or ferret or other exotic animal with your hot chocolate or mulled wine in front of a fire, you cannot possibly imagine the trepidation and apprehension being pumped through her circulatory system, which was known to circulate fluids but not yet emotions through the human body centuries before the birth of God.
And her car did break down. A blown gasket, a missing catalytic converter—stolen and sold, and a scuffed hubcap reduced her car to Flinstonian levels of utility. As she had suspected in the deepest ventricles or atria of her heart, that great nexus of the circulatory system, the Devil emerged from the woods. Unlike the lizard she had heard tales of, this Devil looked like a giant, cloven man with blood dripping from its mouth. If the face provides a window to the soul, the Devil’s eyes gave Michelle Spurlock porthole-like fenestra to view the infernos of Hell.
But then something happened. The Devil spoke to her and told her she misunderstood it. That even though it was a terrifying beast, it had emotions and an interesting circulatory system that provided oxygen to even its most remote extremities, one of which it was right now pumping blood into in order to in anticipation of—based on Michelle Spurlock’s visual response to its advances—making the beast with two backs if you know what I’m saying.
So that great cloven beast humped Michelle Spurlock in the woods, where she eventually wound up living. Of course this shows that when two cultures collide, unlike the Native Americans who were wiped out by disease and booze when Columbo arrived with automatic weapons, occasionally love wins.
>>>
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Beth -
I think we misunderstood each other. I was looking for sports writers, with the New Jersey Devils hockey team being one of the teams to cover.
With that being said, I did enjoy your short draft of a story about the New Jersey Devil. I can't do anything with that since my website is a sports blog. You do write very well and would love to read more of your stories.
Sorry about the miscommunication.
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Okay I didn't even realize that there was a hockey team bearing that name. Would you like me to write a story about them for your blog?
----
Beth -
Not sure how you would write a story about them if you don't know anything about the team.
Mind me asking how old you are? Where you are from? stuff like that.
----
G______:
I am capable of rabidly researching any topic to become acquainted with its obvious subtleties. Should I begin work on this team?
I'm 23 years old and living in the ______ ______, which is a rock throw from New Jersey.
Beth
----
Beth -
I would prefer someone that is a fan of the team and has inside knowledge of it. Thank you for your interest however.
----
G______:
What if I could write about an interview with one of the stars of the New Jersey Devils?
Beth
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What do you mean? How would you interview one of them?
----
Getting the interview is my task. Would you like a story featuring such an interview?
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If you can honestly get an interview with a New Jersey Devils player, I would be happy to feature it on my site.
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Okay, I'll take that as a 'yes' and get right to work.
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Beth, just out of curiosity....do you have a picture of yourself that I can see?
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I'll send a picture along with the story.
----
ok
----
G______:
I enclosed the first part of the story. I'll send the next as soon as I can depending on how tomorrow goes.
Cheers, Beth
<<<
The Ilya Kovalchuk Story Part 1: Getting the Interview, Breeching the Whale
by Beth M______
Today I created a false virtual identity on the internet, the world’s most famous e-platform, to dupe a hockey star into granting me an interview. I had been assigned the task of getting an interview with one of the New Jersey Devils to secure a paid position with the elite _______ sports blog. With this assignment, I wanted to impress. I wanted to land the biggest fish they have: Ilya Kovalchuk, a God-like killing machine who inflicts mortal wounds on his foes every time he laces his skates and steps on the hockey field.
Getting to Kovalchuk would not be easy. First, I crafted a twitter under the alias Michelle Spurlock. I requested to follow Kovalchuk. He added me within fifteen minutes. Now I know that he has hundreds of adoring fans, so to get a personal audience I would have to bring out the big guns. Not to worry—this was not my first rodeo or my first time using twitter to gain a personal audience with a minor celebrity.
I used my own picture for Michelle Spurlock’s profile because I wanted him to recognize me when we met in person. To ensure that I would catch this monster marlin, I baited the hook with a ménage a trois. And with my message enclosed a picture of reporter and hottie and subject of recent Jets controversy Ines Sainz. Later, I plan to argue that using a reporter’s image in the solicitation grants me license to publish anything he says at our meeting. Although the message is too salacious for the ________ sports blog’s gentle readers, the offer was clear enough: meet two women at a hotel for some drinks and good times.
As luck and its slow-mutant uncle fate would have it, Kovalchuk must have been online. He messaged back within twenty minutes and asked for more pictures. I found a few of Sainz and used a few of myself from a recent beach trip. He asked for one of us together and for some dirtier photographs. Although I spent half an hour on google images without employing its SafeSearch feature, I couldn’t find nude images of Sainz. But I sent him a few of myself to secure the meeting.
And just when I thought the cookie had crumbled into the shards of a mirror reflecting broken dreams, something happened in a major way. He sent me a time and a hotel name. The date loomed with raw, unchecked immediacy—it was the next day. The hotel, a Manhattan standard, was accessible and expensive.
But how would I prepare to meet this enormous tuna known as the Kovalchuk? Would he have the heart and backing circulatory system to hold up his word? And how would he react to Sainz not being there? Would he answer my questions? What would I wear? Would he take me to the hotel room when he found out that I was not Michelle Spurlock but a grit-toothed reporter on a mission to get a story?
>>>
*
G______:
I include the second part as well as a picture. This has been a great assignment. What should I work on next?
Beth
<<<
The Ilya Kovalchuk Story Part 2: Interviewing a Humungous Halibut
by Beth M______
With nerves aflutter and knees of butter, I waited in a massive hotel lobby to reel in a massive fish that I had caught on twitter. I waited to interview Ilya Kovalchuk, star of the New Jersey hockey team nicknamed the Devils.
My heart beat like a metronome, changing pace as the tides of my nerves rolled in and out and pumping blood through my circulatory system and hands and feet. I wondered if the star player would show up. I started to worry that maybe his twitter account was a fake and that the person who showed up would be some smelly dude or, worse, his wife. Or maybe that when he showed up he would leave when Ives Sainz wasn’t with me. Or he wouldn’t answer questions.
Seconds passed and became minutes, which passed to become hours. I ate two finger bowls of salty snacks and worked my way through two whiskey sours. I worried about my shirt and checked my makeup countless times. I worried and twice caught myself about to chew my nails. Finally I thought he wouldn’t show up and I almost left.
But then something happened like a wild lightning bolt striking a predator in a hurricane and leaving it in flames under the stars. Ninety minutes late, the fish walked out of the water and into the hotel lobby. Hot blood circulated through my system and I jumped up to meet him.
Ilya Kovalchuk stands six foot two and cuts an imposing figure even while trying to look anonymous. He wore a low hat and dark glasses with a loose jacket over brown pants. He asked me, “you Michelle?”
“If you want me to be,” I replied.
He asked if we should go up to the room. But I had not gotten one, so I stalled and asked him to buy me a drink first. Plus you would think he could afford the room—he makes six million dollars per year.
“Only have hour,” he said. I ignored him and ordered another whiskey sour.
“Where other girl?” he asked.
“She’s waiting up in the room,” I said.
When I asked about hockey about a dozen times, his longest reply was, “hockey good.” More often, he said nothing or grunted. After sitting for five minutes he stood up. I panicked, thinking that he would leave. But he walked over to a corner and pulled down his pants. I started to walk over to him, but he sat on the edge of a large potted plant. He concentrated and farted. I watched as furrowed his brow, looked at the ground, and crapped into the plant.
After he finished without applying standard bathroom-cleanliness procedures, he said, “go room.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the elevator. A group of twenty kids wearing neon orange field-trip t-shirts and chaperoned by two exasperated and underpaid twentysomethings walked into the lobby. As we rode the elevator up to a floor that he chose, he stood against the glass facing the lobby.
And then something happened like a king winging a sabre at a Canadian senator wearing a blue jacket in the blues capital of the world and the canuck ducking. He was concentrating again and working with his pants. As we ascended, he exposed his shriveled pecker to the spellbound middle-school students sprinkled throughout the lobby. One pointed. A chaperone hung his head, shamed by his own failure to shield the kids from indecency. When the elevator stopped before our destination to allow other passengers, I ran.
I have not seen Ilya Kovalchuk, killing machine on the hockey field and mongoloid pervert off of it, since I fled that elevator.
>>>
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Great story..love how you wrote it. Is that picture really of you? Or just the character in the story?
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Yes that is me. If you like, I can also send the picture of Ines Sainz.
When do you intend to feature the story on your site? Maybe to coincide with the start of the season?
----
I will try to find an appropriate time to feature it.
Have to admit, I am curious what would have happened if you ended up in the room lol.
And no need for the Ines pics, I know what she looks like. Just wanted to know if that was truly you. Maybe I should ask for the same pics Ilya did lol
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Laughing out loud -- I know what happens to girls when they send pics like that to popular bloggers.
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Oh yea? Whats that?
----
I have enclosed the equivalent of 1010 words on the subject. 1011 if you count both sides of a contraction.
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haha. Where do you live again?
----
I'm in _______. But close to NJ.
----
I am throwing around the idea of having a model for my site. Would you be interested?
----
I would like to have a few published stories under your belt first so that I would be assured that I'm being taken seriously.
Local sports blog website is seeking someone to write about the New Jersey Devils. Knowledge of hockey required.
The blog site focuses on NY and NJ sports teams. This is a non-paying opportunity, however you will be credited as the author of each article you write.
For more information please respond to this ad.
Other writing positions available:
New York Rangers
New York Mets
New York Jets
Rutgers Athletics (Non-Football)
New Jersey Nets
New York Knicks
Seton Hall Pirates Athletics
New Jersey High School Sports
----
Hello:
I am interested in writing stories about the New Jersey Devil. Would you like a sample piece to consider me for the position?
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth -
I do currently have someone writing about the Devils. However, I am not opposed to having another as well. If you would like to send some samples I will gladly take a look. Also, are you interested in any other team, or just the Devils?
G______ _________ | Owner
_______ Sports| E: ____________@_____.com
P: XXX-XXX-XXXX | | www._________.com
----
G______:
I will send you a story by the end of this week.
Cheers, Beth
----
G______:
I enclose my draft of a Devil story. I hope that you enjoy it.
Beth
<<<
Love on the Turnpike: The Story of the New Jersey Devil
by Beth M______
On the blackest night in recent memory, Michelle Spurlock drove down the Jersey Turnpike. But, alas, her car, a 1789 Dodge Windstar, encountered difficulties. Feelings hit her like a windsock swinging as the wind changed from North-East to North-West were she to have been standing North of the windsock’s axis of rotation. She knew the legend of the New Jersey Devil. She knew that, unless she was a questing paladin, this was the worst stretch of highway for car trouble.
The New Jersey Devil, that giant beaked lizard whose gaze turns men to stone, inhabits the woods near the Jersey turnpike. And on this particular night intensity and raw palpability of emotion swirled together to form a vortex of terror that matched the Perfect Storm made famous in a movie with George Clooney and based on a book by Sebastian Junger who studied at Wesleyan University. As you, gentle reader, sit in your armchair stroking a mink or marmoset or ferret or other exotic animal with your hot chocolate or mulled wine in front of a fire, you cannot possibly imagine the trepidation and apprehension being pumped through her circulatory system, which was known to circulate fluids but not yet emotions through the human body centuries before the birth of God.
And her car did break down. A blown gasket, a missing catalytic converter—stolen and sold, and a scuffed hubcap reduced her car to Flinstonian levels of utility. As she had suspected in the deepest ventricles or atria of her heart, that great nexus of the circulatory system, the Devil emerged from the woods. Unlike the lizard she had heard tales of, this Devil looked like a giant, cloven man with blood dripping from its mouth. If the face provides a window to the soul, the Devil’s eyes gave Michelle Spurlock porthole-like fenestra to view the infernos of Hell.
But then something happened. The Devil spoke to her and told her she misunderstood it. That even though it was a terrifying beast, it had emotions and an interesting circulatory system that provided oxygen to even its most remote extremities, one of which it was right now pumping blood into in order to in anticipation of—based on Michelle Spurlock’s visual response to its advances—making the beast with two backs if you know what I’m saying.
So that great cloven beast humped Michelle Spurlock in the woods, where she eventually wound up living. Of course this shows that when two cultures collide, unlike the Native Americans who were wiped out by disease and booze when Columbo arrived with automatic weapons, occasionally love wins.
>>>
----
Beth -
I think we misunderstood each other. I was looking for sports writers, with the New Jersey Devils hockey team being one of the teams to cover.
With that being said, I did enjoy your short draft of a story about the New Jersey Devil. I can't do anything with that since my website is a sports blog. You do write very well and would love to read more of your stories.
Sorry about the miscommunication.
----
Okay I didn't even realize that there was a hockey team bearing that name. Would you like me to write a story about them for your blog?
----
Beth -
Not sure how you would write a story about them if you don't know anything about the team.
Mind me asking how old you are? Where you are from? stuff like that.
----
G______:
I am capable of rabidly researching any topic to become acquainted with its obvious subtleties. Should I begin work on this team?
I'm 23 years old and living in the ______ ______, which is a rock throw from New Jersey.
Beth
----
Beth -
I would prefer someone that is a fan of the team and has inside knowledge of it. Thank you for your interest however.
----
G______:
What if I could write about an interview with one of the stars of the New Jersey Devils?
Beth
----
What do you mean? How would you interview one of them?
----
Getting the interview is my task. Would you like a story featuring such an interview?
----
If you can honestly get an interview with a New Jersey Devils player, I would be happy to feature it on my site.
----
Okay, I'll take that as a 'yes' and get right to work.
----
Beth, just out of curiosity....do you have a picture of yourself that I can see?
----
I'll send a picture along with the story.
----
ok
----
G______:
I enclosed the first part of the story. I'll send the next as soon as I can depending on how tomorrow goes.
Cheers, Beth
<<<
The Ilya Kovalchuk Story Part 1: Getting the Interview, Breeching the Whale
by Beth M______
Today I created a false virtual identity on the internet, the world’s most famous e-platform, to dupe a hockey star into granting me an interview. I had been assigned the task of getting an interview with one of the New Jersey Devils to secure a paid position with the elite _______ sports blog. With this assignment, I wanted to impress. I wanted to land the biggest fish they have: Ilya Kovalchuk, a God-like killing machine who inflicts mortal wounds on his foes every time he laces his skates and steps on the hockey field.
Getting to Kovalchuk would not be easy. First, I crafted a twitter under the alias Michelle Spurlock. I requested to follow Kovalchuk. He added me within fifteen minutes. Now I know that he has hundreds of adoring fans, so to get a personal audience I would have to bring out the big guns. Not to worry—this was not my first rodeo or my first time using twitter to gain a personal audience with a minor celebrity.
I used my own picture for Michelle Spurlock’s profile because I wanted him to recognize me when we met in person. To ensure that I would catch this monster marlin, I baited the hook with a ménage a trois. And with my message enclosed a picture of reporter and hottie and subject of recent Jets controversy Ines Sainz. Later, I plan to argue that using a reporter’s image in the solicitation grants me license to publish anything he says at our meeting. Although the message is too salacious for the ________ sports blog’s gentle readers, the offer was clear enough: meet two women at a hotel for some drinks and good times.
As luck and its slow-mutant uncle fate would have it, Kovalchuk must have been online. He messaged back within twenty minutes and asked for more pictures. I found a few of Sainz and used a few of myself from a recent beach trip. He asked for one of us together and for some dirtier photographs. Although I spent half an hour on google images without employing its SafeSearch feature, I couldn’t find nude images of Sainz. But I sent him a few of myself to secure the meeting.
And just when I thought the cookie had crumbled into the shards of a mirror reflecting broken dreams, something happened in a major way. He sent me a time and a hotel name. The date loomed with raw, unchecked immediacy—it was the next day. The hotel, a Manhattan standard, was accessible and expensive.
But how would I prepare to meet this enormous tuna known as the Kovalchuk? Would he have the heart and backing circulatory system to hold up his word? And how would he react to Sainz not being there? Would he answer my questions? What would I wear? Would he take me to the hotel room when he found out that I was not Michelle Spurlock but a grit-toothed reporter on a mission to get a story?
>>>
*
G______:
I include the second part as well as a picture. This has been a great assignment. What should I work on next?
Beth
<<<
The Ilya Kovalchuk Story Part 2: Interviewing a Humungous Halibut
by Beth M______
With nerves aflutter and knees of butter, I waited in a massive hotel lobby to reel in a massive fish that I had caught on twitter. I waited to interview Ilya Kovalchuk, star of the New Jersey hockey team nicknamed the Devils.
My heart beat like a metronome, changing pace as the tides of my nerves rolled in and out and pumping blood through my circulatory system and hands and feet. I wondered if the star player would show up. I started to worry that maybe his twitter account was a fake and that the person who showed up would be some smelly dude or, worse, his wife. Or maybe that when he showed up he would leave when Ives Sainz wasn’t with me. Or he wouldn’t answer questions.
Seconds passed and became minutes, which passed to become hours. I ate two finger bowls of salty snacks and worked my way through two whiskey sours. I worried about my shirt and checked my makeup countless times. I worried and twice caught myself about to chew my nails. Finally I thought he wouldn’t show up and I almost left.
But then something happened like a wild lightning bolt striking a predator in a hurricane and leaving it in flames under the stars. Ninety minutes late, the fish walked out of the water and into the hotel lobby. Hot blood circulated through my system and I jumped up to meet him.
Ilya Kovalchuk stands six foot two and cuts an imposing figure even while trying to look anonymous. He wore a low hat and dark glasses with a loose jacket over brown pants. He asked me, “you Michelle?”
“If you want me to be,” I replied.
He asked if we should go up to the room. But I had not gotten one, so I stalled and asked him to buy me a drink first. Plus you would think he could afford the room—he makes six million dollars per year.
“Only have hour,” he said. I ignored him and ordered another whiskey sour.
“Where other girl?” he asked.
“She’s waiting up in the room,” I said.
When I asked about hockey about a dozen times, his longest reply was, “hockey good.” More often, he said nothing or grunted. After sitting for five minutes he stood up. I panicked, thinking that he would leave. But he walked over to a corner and pulled down his pants. I started to walk over to him, but he sat on the edge of a large potted plant. He concentrated and farted. I watched as furrowed his brow, looked at the ground, and crapped into the plant.
After he finished without applying standard bathroom-cleanliness procedures, he said, “go room.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the elevator. A group of twenty kids wearing neon orange field-trip t-shirts and chaperoned by two exasperated and underpaid twentysomethings walked into the lobby. As we rode the elevator up to a floor that he chose, he stood against the glass facing the lobby.
And then something happened like a king winging a sabre at a Canadian senator wearing a blue jacket in the blues capital of the world and the canuck ducking. He was concentrating again and working with his pants. As we ascended, he exposed his shriveled pecker to the spellbound middle-school students sprinkled throughout the lobby. One pointed. A chaperone hung his head, shamed by his own failure to shield the kids from indecency. When the elevator stopped before our destination to allow other passengers, I ran.
I have not seen Ilya Kovalchuk, killing machine on the hockey field and mongoloid pervert off of it, since I fled that elevator.
>>>
----
Great story..love how you wrote it. Is that picture really of you? Or just the character in the story?
----
Yes that is me. If you like, I can also send the picture of Ines Sainz.
When do you intend to feature the story on your site? Maybe to coincide with the start of the season?
----
I will try to find an appropriate time to feature it.
Have to admit, I am curious what would have happened if you ended up in the room lol.
And no need for the Ines pics, I know what she looks like. Just wanted to know if that was truly you. Maybe I should ask for the same pics Ilya did lol
----
Laughing out loud -- I know what happens to girls when they send pics like that to popular bloggers.
----
Oh yea? Whats that?
----
I have enclosed the equivalent of 1010 words on the subject. 1011 if you count both sides of a contraction.
----
haha. Where do you live again?
----
I'm in _______. But close to NJ.
----
I am throwing around the idea of having a model for my site. Would you be interested?
----
I would like to have a few published stories under your belt first so that I would be assured that I'm being taken seriously.
car show
craigslist ad recruiting owners for a custom-car show
---
Hello:
I have built several interesting custom cars. What needs to be done in order to show them?
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth,
That's great news. We are trying to get as many car owners to come out as possible. I don't have the form written up yet but as soon as I do I will send it your way. It will be before the end of the week, I have a meeting with the corn maze owner tomorrow. There is no fees, each car owner will receive free admission into the corn maze and daytime events and receive a discount into the haunted events. I plan to have different artists, vendors, and bands to create a full day event.
We have tons of space to hold this event and if all goes as planned it should be a really great event and fun for all.
What kind of cars do you have?
I____
----
Dear I____,
I created one haunted car. This mystifying coupe drives itself at random. This may be perfect for your haunted event, or if we put some blades or something on the front it could terrify the children of the corn maze. Since this one uses proprietary knowledge, I cannot release it even to the highest bidder.
I also made dragon car that spits fire and belches smoke. This sleek, scaly green beast runs on pure diesel. And it is for sale! Maybe this vehicle could take the stage with one of the bands for a little extra publicity.
I'm finishing two others but that may not be done in time for your event. I'm excited about this and if all goes well it could truly be a day remembered by all!
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth,
Those sound amazing, I'd love to see some photos if you have some. Are these like art/sculpture cars?
----
These are actual cars.
The haunted car relies on an autonomous navigation system and has two kill switches. One shuts down the car and the other activates its berzerker mode. In the berzerker mode, the car becomes a spinning dervish of blades and projectiles that can stop a riot or disable a small group of mercenaries. Odin himself smiles as the haunted car proves itself in battle and the mode ends with the car exploding and going to Valhalla, the scraphall of victorious car combatants. We would have to take care to label the two kill switches, as it is difficult to distinguish between them and deactivating the car may become necessary if it is about to run someone down.
The dragon presents less danger, but still devastates a crowd in flammable and inflammable situations alike. This requires a driver and I would demand to be the one behind the wheel -- another driver might send 60-foot jets of flame into a school of children. But imagine the excitement and terror in the crowd as this great beast rears up on its hind wheels to fire those pillars of fire into the night sky!
I might finish one more in time for your show, but that one might scare people...
Looking forward to the event!
Beth
---
Hello:
I have built several interesting custom cars. What needs to be done in order to show them?
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth,
That's great news. We are trying to get as many car owners to come out as possible. I don't have the form written up yet but as soon as I do I will send it your way. It will be before the end of the week, I have a meeting with the corn maze owner tomorrow. There is no fees, each car owner will receive free admission into the corn maze and daytime events and receive a discount into the haunted events. I plan to have different artists, vendors, and bands to create a full day event.
We have tons of space to hold this event and if all goes as planned it should be a really great event and fun for all.
What kind of cars do you have?
I____
----
Dear I____,
I created one haunted car. This mystifying coupe drives itself at random. This may be perfect for your haunted event, or if we put some blades or something on the front it could terrify the children of the corn maze. Since this one uses proprietary knowledge, I cannot release it even to the highest bidder.
I also made dragon car that spits fire and belches smoke. This sleek, scaly green beast runs on pure diesel. And it is for sale! Maybe this vehicle could take the stage with one of the bands for a little extra publicity.
I'm finishing two others but that may not be done in time for your event. I'm excited about this and if all goes well it could truly be a day remembered by all!
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth,
Those sound amazing, I'd love to see some photos if you have some. Are these like art/sculpture cars?
----
These are actual cars.
The haunted car relies on an autonomous navigation system and has two kill switches. One shuts down the car and the other activates its berzerker mode. In the berzerker mode, the car becomes a spinning dervish of blades and projectiles that can stop a riot or disable a small group of mercenaries. Odin himself smiles as the haunted car proves itself in battle and the mode ends with the car exploding and going to Valhalla, the scraphall of victorious car combatants. We would have to take care to label the two kill switches, as it is difficult to distinguish between them and deactivating the car may become necessary if it is about to run someone down.
The dragon presents less danger, but still devastates a crowd in flammable and inflammable situations alike. This requires a driver and I would demand to be the one behind the wheel -- another driver might send 60-foot jets of flame into a school of children. But imagine the excitement and terror in the crowd as this great beast rears up on its hind wheels to fire those pillars of fire into the night sky!
I might finish one more in time for your show, but that one might scare people...
Looking forward to the event!
Beth
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
big paychecks
craigslist ad: Want Big Paychecks?
If your looking for some big pay checks then you must Check out
what my team can do for you
http://www. __________.com
----
Hello:
I like the idea of receiving big paychecks and using your system to become my own boss. Can this turn into a constant revenue stream?
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
Thanks for the reply to my ad.
Thats what this opportunity is all about creating residual income so you only have to build
this business once and it will pay you for life.
Go to this website and watch the comp plan video:
http://www.__________.com
We are working on a new marketing system for our team that is coming out this week
that will make sales for you once a person opts in to your website.
When this is ready if a person goes to your site and doesn't join then
they really weren't looking serious anyway.
I was working 2 other businesses and dropped them both when I saw the 6 ways you can get paid.
Let me know if you have any questions,
F __________ B __________
----
B__________:
I watched part of the video and came away impressed. I like the idea of taking advantage of the energy economy to leverage a constant revenue stream while maintaining the independence afforded to one of high stature who works for herself. After watching the video, what is the next step? How do I become a leader of the team and a master of electricity?
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
Thats great you just have to click on Join Now and become a consultant fill and once I get your information
I will send you our step by step guide and our marketing site.
Or you can contact me at:
Thanks and welcome to the team.
F __________ B __________
XXX-XXX-XXXX
__________@ __________.com
http://__________. __________.com
----
B__________:
The 'Join Now' in the message you sent was not a hotlink. I clicked on it several times and nothing happened. Perhaps I am doing something wrong?
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
It might be the way it got sent through hotmail sometime
I run in to problems with that email server.
If you get a chance you can make a gmail email account it is very simple
and seems to always work.
Anyway these should work or just copy link and put in your browser.
http://www. __________. __________.com
http://www. __________.com
Hope this helps:
F __________
----
B__________:
Okay, I'll look at the 'gmail' site. That is the 'google' email site, correct? A friend of mine raves about their 'SafeSearch' feature, although he brags about hardly ever using it. You can't imagine some of the search terms he uses to find images!
Beth
----
Beth
Yeah its goggles mail I have a bunch of them and works great.
That's funny about your friend.
Did youy get to my website ok now?
F__________
----
B__________:
Do you know how many of them you're allowed to have?
I'm still looking through the google website but I'll let you know when I've signed up for your website.
Thanks, Beth
----
As many as you want I think. I know I have at least 10
----
You have ten email addresses? Lord! What do you use all of them for?
----
Sometimes when you sign up for systems you get a lot of junk emails so I set a new email address for each one. This way you don't get them all to you main address.
----
What do you mean by 'systems'?
----
By systems I mean sometimes I subscribe to email lists and they send me 20 emails a day all trying to sell sopmething
----
What manner of list do you subscribe to?
----
Hi Beth
I don't recall the exact names right now because over the years there was a lot of them.
Did you sign up yet because I didn't see you in my downline?
F__________
----
I haven't finished signing up yet. Your numerous email accounts inspired me to create a variety of identities. I may sign up for your program as 'Michelle Spurlock' but I'm not sure yet which one I will use. Once you've created a few good personalities it is hard to choose from among them.
----
What do you mean by different names you must use your real name to join. The email is just for the company and people to contact you.
----
Yes but if I create many names can't I easily achieve my goal of having multiple revenue streams?
~~~~
Hello:
I could not get the website https://__________.__________.com/NewRep.asp# to work. It kept saying that my credit-card number wouldn't work.
Michelle Spurlock
Spurlock Investments, LLC
----
I will take a look at it are you sure everything was filled out correctly.
F__________
----
I believe so?
----
Were you getting an error message or something?
*
I checked it out on my end and it seems to be working alright.
----
It said that the number I entered was not a valid credit-card number.
----
That's strange maybe try to x out of the site and try over and see what happens.
----
And re-enter all of my information again?
----
I would try that if it didn't go through.
*
Did you enter card number with dashes?
You have to just put numbers with no dashes -
----
I just put in numbers.
*
Well I'm about to go to bed. Maybe tomorrow I'll try again and if it doesn't work I'll just email you my information?
----
Ok you can do that and I will get it straighten out sorry about that.
Have a goodnight.
F__________
----
I tried it again and it didn't work. Should I send my information?
----
Yes and I can try it on my end I am out right now I will be back in about ten minutes and I will give it a try.
Thanks
F__________
*
Did you want to try and call support under the contact tab to see why your card is not working.
----
Name: Michelle Spurlock
Company: Spurlock Investments, LLC
Name on Paycard: Spurlock Investments
Phone Number (cell): XXX XXXXXXX
SSN: XXX-XX-XXXX
Email: __________.spurlock@gmail.com
Password: worldtakeover
Confirm Password: worldtakeover
Date of Birth: 09/19/1980
Secret Question: What High School did you attend?
Answer to Secret Question: Argus C. Hagglefaucet High
Replicated Site: spurlocknation
----
Is it ok to call you right now?
----
I prefer to accomplish this over the internet (simply: the 'net).
----
I just need more info:
What kind of card and the number also csv code on card?
And you billing address.
----
Oh I was just making those up.
----
I don't get what you are saying, you dont have a card?
----
No, I'm not even a real person. Remember?
If your looking for some big pay checks then you must Check out
what my team can do for you
http://www. __________.com
----
Hello:
I like the idea of receiving big paychecks and using your system to become my own boss. Can this turn into a constant revenue stream?
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
Thanks for the reply to my ad.
Thats what this opportunity is all about creating residual income so you only have to build
this business once and it will pay you for life.
Go to this website and watch the comp plan video:
http://www.__________.com
We are working on a new marketing system for our team that is coming out this week
that will make sales for you once a person opts in to your website.
When this is ready if a person goes to your site and doesn't join then
they really weren't looking serious anyway.
I was working 2 other businesses and dropped them both when I saw the 6 ways you can get paid.
Let me know if you have any questions,
F __________ B __________
----
B__________:
I watched part of the video and came away impressed. I like the idea of taking advantage of the energy economy to leverage a constant revenue stream while maintaining the independence afforded to one of high stature who works for herself. After watching the video, what is the next step? How do I become a leader of the team and a master of electricity?
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
Thats great you just have to click on Join Now and become a consultant fill and once I get your information
I will send you our step by step guide and our marketing site.
Or you can contact me at:
Thanks and welcome to the team.
F __________ B __________
XXX-XXX-XXXX
__________@ __________.com
http://__________. __________.com
----
B__________:
The 'Join Now' in the message you sent was not a hotlink. I clicked on it several times and nothing happened. Perhaps I am doing something wrong?
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
It might be the way it got sent through hotmail sometime
I run in to problems with that email server.
If you get a chance you can make a gmail email account it is very simple
and seems to always work.
Anyway these should work or just copy link and put in your browser.
http://www. __________. __________.com
http://www. __________.com
Hope this helps:
F __________
----
B__________:
Okay, I'll look at the 'gmail' site. That is the 'google' email site, correct? A friend of mine raves about their 'SafeSearch' feature, although he brags about hardly ever using it. You can't imagine some of the search terms he uses to find images!
Beth
----
Beth
Yeah its goggles mail I have a bunch of them and works great.
That's funny about your friend.
Did youy get to my website ok now?
F__________
----
B__________:
Do you know how many of them you're allowed to have?
I'm still looking through the google website but I'll let you know when I've signed up for your website.
Thanks, Beth
----
As many as you want I think. I know I have at least 10
----
You have ten email addresses? Lord! What do you use all of them for?
----
Sometimes when you sign up for systems you get a lot of junk emails so I set a new email address for each one. This way you don't get them all to you main address.
----
What do you mean by 'systems'?
----
By systems I mean sometimes I subscribe to email lists and they send me 20 emails a day all trying to sell sopmething
----
What manner of list do you subscribe to?
----
Hi Beth
I don't recall the exact names right now because over the years there was a lot of them.
Did you sign up yet because I didn't see you in my downline?
F__________
----
I haven't finished signing up yet. Your numerous email accounts inspired me to create a variety of identities. I may sign up for your program as 'Michelle Spurlock' but I'm not sure yet which one I will use. Once you've created a few good personalities it is hard to choose from among them.
----
What do you mean by different names you must use your real name to join. The email is just for the company and people to contact you.
----
Yes but if I create many names can't I easily achieve my goal of having multiple revenue streams?
~~~~
Hello:
I could not get the website https://__________.__________.com/NewRep.asp# to work. It kept saying that my credit-card number wouldn't work.
Michelle Spurlock
Spurlock Investments, LLC
----
I will take a look at it are you sure everything was filled out correctly.
F__________
----
I believe so?
----
Were you getting an error message or something?
*
I checked it out on my end and it seems to be working alright.
----
It said that the number I entered was not a valid credit-card number.
----
That's strange maybe try to x out of the site and try over and see what happens.
----
And re-enter all of my information again?
----
I would try that if it didn't go through.
*
Did you enter card number with dashes?
You have to just put numbers with no dashes -
----
I just put in numbers.
*
Well I'm about to go to bed. Maybe tomorrow I'll try again and if it doesn't work I'll just email you my information?
----
Ok you can do that and I will get it straighten out sorry about that.
Have a goodnight.
F__________
----
I tried it again and it didn't work. Should I send my information?
----
Yes and I can try it on my end I am out right now I will be back in about ten minutes and I will give it a try.
Thanks
F__________
*
Did you want to try and call support under the contact tab to see why your card is not working.
----
Name: Michelle Spurlock
Company: Spurlock Investments, LLC
Name on Paycard: Spurlock Investments
Phone Number (cell): XXX XXXXXXX
SSN: XXX-XX-XXXX
Email: __________.spurlock@gmail.com
Password: worldtakeover
Confirm Password: worldtakeover
Date of Birth: 09/19/1980
Secret Question: What High School did you attend?
Answer to Secret Question: Argus C. Hagglefaucet High
Replicated Site: spurlocknation
----
Is it ok to call you right now?
----
I prefer to accomplish this over the internet (simply: the 'net).
----
I just need more info:
What kind of card and the number also csv code on card?
And you billing address.
----
Oh I was just making those up.
----
I don't get what you are saying, you dont have a card?
----
No, I'm not even a real person. Remember?
hunting
craigslist ad:
Good evening, I am looking for someone to allow me hunt on your property. I have been hunting for many years and respect owners rules. If you would allow me to hunt please contact me. Thank you
----
Hello:
We have a giant back yard that deer roam through all the time. If you want, you could shoot at them from our porch. We set a limit of 3 kills on a day though.
Cheers, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
Thanks for the response! I was waiting to get a lot of hate mail. We were wondering what town you live in? We would only be using our bows right now. Do you have any preferences or rules to go by? Also do you charge a fee to hunt on your property? Thanks, C________
----
C______:
We're out past H_________. Bows are fine and deer wander close enough for easy shots.
We keep a few rules for hunting from the porch. First, every time you miss a shot you must chug a beer. Second, if you miss the same animal twice you have to run a naked lap around the house. We like to keep it fun, so we don't allow assault-rifle hunting (you would not believe the guns some people show up with).
We never charge anyone, but expect hunters to bring more beer than they will drink while hunting so that the hosts can get a decent buzz. Next weekend we might do a salt lick in the backyard if that interests you.
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth:
I appreciate your response to my post. Unfortunately, we aren't really big on drinking, especially with hunting( I'm clutsy enough without influence). I think we'll pass on the offer but thank you and just to let you know (not being nasty by all means), if you were to tell the wrong person that you're putting out a salt lick to get the deer to come in, they might take it the wrong way and say it's illegal. Thank you very much and hope you have lots of fun with your visiting hunters.
----
C______:
We won't force you to drink if you don't want to. But we find that sometimes it lightens the mood and lubricates social interaction between strangers. Of course I was kidding about the salt lick! We do everything in a sporting way. Plus, so many deer come across our property it wouldn't matter. One visitor joked that if we wanted to be lazy we could just set up land mines in our yard and watch them destroy the deer that walked across while we sipped martinis. What do you think of that?
Also, if you don't want to drop in during the day, you might enjoy night hunting. Have you ever done that?
Cheers, Beth
Good evening, I am looking for someone to allow me hunt on your property. I have been hunting for many years and respect owners rules. If you would allow me to hunt please contact me. Thank you
----
Hello:
We have a giant back yard that deer roam through all the time. If you want, you could shoot at them from our porch. We set a limit of 3 kills on a day though.
Cheers, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
Thanks for the response! I was waiting to get a lot of hate mail. We were wondering what town you live in? We would only be using our bows right now. Do you have any preferences or rules to go by? Also do you charge a fee to hunt on your property? Thanks, C________
----
C______:
We're out past H_________. Bows are fine and deer wander close enough for easy shots.
We keep a few rules for hunting from the porch. First, every time you miss a shot you must chug a beer. Second, if you miss the same animal twice you have to run a naked lap around the house. We like to keep it fun, so we don't allow assault-rifle hunting (you would not believe the guns some people show up with).
We never charge anyone, but expect hunters to bring more beer than they will drink while hunting so that the hosts can get a decent buzz. Next weekend we might do a salt lick in the backyard if that interests you.
Cheers, Beth
----
Beth:
I appreciate your response to my post. Unfortunately, we aren't really big on drinking, especially with hunting( I'm clutsy enough without influence). I think we'll pass on the offer but thank you and just to let you know (not being nasty by all means), if you were to tell the wrong person that you're putting out a salt lick to get the deer to come in, they might take it the wrong way and say it's illegal. Thank you very much and hope you have lots of fun with your visiting hunters.
----
C______:
We won't force you to drink if you don't want to. But we find that sometimes it lightens the mood and lubricates social interaction between strangers. Of course I was kidding about the salt lick! We do everything in a sporting way. Plus, so many deer come across our property it wouldn't matter. One visitor joked that if we wanted to be lazy we could just set up land mines in our yard and watch them destroy the deer that walked across while we sipped martinis. What do you think of that?
Also, if you don't want to drop in during the day, you might enjoy night hunting. Have you ever done that?
Cheers, Beth
Sunday, September 19, 2010
catalytic converters
craigslist ad: Wanted - Catalytic Converters, Alum. Wheels, Car Batteries (E______/A______/M______)
WANTED : catalytic converters, aluminum wheels, starters & alternators, and car & truck batteries.
Competitive prices paid in cash... We offer free pickup in most areas.
Email for prices. If you have converters, please send picture of them if possible.
--When emailing, please include the quantity of items you have, and your location. --
Thank You!
----
Hello:
What price do you pay for catalytic converters? I believe that I have about 175 of them.
Thanks, Beth
----
There all different price, you have to know what they are off of. Where are you located? And would it be possible for you to give me a call.
Thanks,
J______
XXX-XXX-XXXX
----
J_____,
They have varied origin. I'm in the L_____ V_____. Do you want a picture of one of them? What is a typical range for catalytic converters?
Thanks, Beth
----
Yeah you can send pictures
----
I've enclosed a picture of one of them. I don't know much about the technology behind it.
----
Well to first off there not catalytic converters , there garage door openers.
----
You're telling me that I have 175 garage-door openers?
----
Yes
----
Do you buy garage-door openers?
----
No sorry
----
Wow somebody told me that they were catalytic converters. Is catalytic-converter trade regulated?
----
Well the person who told you is wrong, a catalytic converter is part of the vehicles exhaust system. What you have is a garage door opener . Sorry to inform you of that
----
Do you have any idea for what to do with 175 garage-door openers?
----
We can pick them up , but there is a fee for removal / fuel charge
----
Wait so I would actually get charged to get rid of these?
----
Yeah our time and fuel is not free we have to make a living just like anyone else.
----
Do you need a garage-door opener for your home?
----
Nope
----
So you pay to pick up catalytic converters but you need to be paid to pick up garage-door openers?
----
Please find someone else to remove your metal , HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!
----
Well I'm still hoping that I can get some catalytic converters to sell to you. Do you know a place to trade garage-door openers for catalytic converters?
WANTED : catalytic converters, aluminum wheels, starters & alternators, and car & truck batteries.
Competitive prices paid in cash... We offer free pickup in most areas.
Email for prices. If you have converters, please send picture of them if possible.
--When emailing, please include the quantity of items you have, and your location. --
Thank You!
----
Hello:
What price do you pay for catalytic converters? I believe that I have about 175 of them.
Thanks, Beth
----
There all different price, you have to know what they are off of. Where are you located? And would it be possible for you to give me a call.
Thanks,
J______
XXX-XXX-XXXX
----
J_____,
They have varied origin. I'm in the L_____ V_____. Do you want a picture of one of them? What is a typical range for catalytic converters?
Thanks, Beth
----
Yeah you can send pictures
----
I've enclosed a picture of one of them. I don't know much about the technology behind it.
----
Well to first off there not catalytic converters , there garage door openers.
----
You're telling me that I have 175 garage-door openers?
----
Yes
----
Do you buy garage-door openers?
----
No sorry
----
Wow somebody told me that they were catalytic converters. Is catalytic-converter trade regulated?
----
Well the person who told you is wrong, a catalytic converter is part of the vehicles exhaust system. What you have is a garage door opener . Sorry to inform you of that
----
Do you have any idea for what to do with 175 garage-door openers?
----
We can pick them up , but there is a fee for removal / fuel charge
----
Wait so I would actually get charged to get rid of these?
----
Yeah our time and fuel is not free we have to make a living just like anyone else.
----
Do you need a garage-door opener for your home?
----
Nope
----
So you pay to pick up catalytic converters but you need to be paid to pick up garage-door openers?
----
Please find someone else to remove your metal , HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!
----
Well I'm still hoping that I can get some catalytic converters to sell to you. Do you know a place to trade garage-door openers for catalytic converters?
Saturday, September 18, 2010
the will, part 1
craigslist ad for catering
----
A______:
We have a funeral-type thing that we need to serve sushi at. But the circumstances are a little strange. Do you work with this kind of situation?
Thanks, Beth
----
Yes....I do Memorial Services!
*
When do you need this?
----
A______:
This is a memorial for a dead man. We want to get him into the ground before there are any surprises, so this would need to happen in the next few days.
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
What would you like at the services??
Let me know,
A______
----
We need some sushi. But it doesn't have to be great. Due to the stipulations of the will, I doubt anyone will eat it.
----
That is all you want??
How many people??
What day??
I can do a combination of rolls and sashimi.
Let me know,
A______
______ Catering
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)
*
Hi Beth,
Best thing is to give me a call...if you get my voicemail, please leave a message.
My phone does not always ring??
Thank you,
A______
______ Catering
www.______.biz
----
Sorry I haven't been in touch. Things have really gone South here?
Beth
----
No problem!
Just let me know if you still need help?
Thank you,
A______
----
I'll stay in touch. We're still haggling over how much of the deceased's last requests we will conform to, and this determines whether we'll need the sushi. A lot of it depends on the will?
Thanks, Beth
----
Where is this going to be??
A______, B______, E______, W______, ??
----
Not sure yet. Truthfully, only about half of us want to bury him at all. He's left all these requests and stipulations and now we're finding out that there is less money than we originally thought. The sushi angle is weird but surmountable. Some of the other stuff is frightfully weird?
----
Well less money is better than no $$.
When the attorneys get done eating up their share and the inheritance tax alot of it goes away!!
My uncle that passed away Uncle Sam got over $100k and my mom is still paying gains from his stocks and bonds.
If you are not sure can you let me know if you are in the L______ ______??
Thank you,
A______
----
Well the deceased was a financial genius, so I doubt the government will get much of it. He was able to set everything up and structure it such that the money will avoid most taxes as it changes hands.
But he was also a very strange man. He set up a maze of challenges, terms, and conditions that must be met before the inheritances are disbursed. We're trying to see what legal means we have to avoid these. It would be nice if we could have him declared insane so that we don't have to carry out all these wishes.
Since his main home was in N______, we'll probably have the ceremony there if it can't be avoided?
Thanks, Beth
----
Well that is great that he is able to loophole and that is probably why you have so many challenges???
Thank you for letting me know destination because some people respond and don't even live in the area!
Well keep in touch,
A______
______ Catering
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)
----
It's great that he didn't lose any of the money to the government, but it will be for naught if we can't complete these challenges. If we fail the tasks, all the money would be disbursed to various charities. Right now it feels like we're playing 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?'. Do you remember that game?
----
No I don't remember that game...what is one of the challenges??
----
As you know, the edutainment genre comprises varied computer games and other products that serve to entertain and educate. In 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?', playents follow the trail of a fictional character, Carmen Sandiego, around the world learning about geography and culture. It's a ton of fun. Anyways, we have this cryptic note about the Shogun and we're supposed to find a puzzle piece related to it. My brothers have been in China for two weeks but it seems like a Shogun could have come from anywhere in China.
----
too funny so you are traveling all across the country to find pieces to the puzzle??
I hope that he left a nice little nest egg to do that!
----
Yeah it's ridiculous. I went to St. Louis for about five hours last week to uncover a clue. But it seems like we're getting close. It's frustrating. What if this is all an elaborate joke?
By the way, do you know if there is some type of salmon that don't swim upstream?
----
hmmm salmon that doesn't swim upstream??
one that is not horny!! lol....
That is what it says on google....
*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salmon
Here...these are all of your salmon out there!!
*
I went to a high school muscial called Lucky Stiff where the dead Uncle had the nephew going to Monte Carlo and all over, but the kid actually had to take his dead uncle in a wheelchair along with him!!
Then you tell me that you are going all over....that is great he must of had lots of money and he doesn't want to make it easy for anyone to get....figures he would put a little fun in it for you in his own little way??
Hey look at the bright side you will never forget him and you will have great conversation for years!!!
----
Yeah he's probably somewhere having fun with this. Actually we just had somewhat of a breakthrough in a Parisienne sewer and it looks like we might make it. But we're still stymied on the China front with the Shogun clue.
And I don't think we ever could forget him anyways. He accomplished many things, some wonderful and some despicable.
----
He is definitely having a good time with you!!
----
I'm sure the bastard is loving it. We're out traipsing through the sewers of a stinky-cheese-eating population while he's doubled over with laughter in a mortuary freezer. I maintain hope that we will get the money, it would be a travesty if it went to charity.
----
lol....love it!!! Would love to meet you in person you sound like a hoot....
Hey if you need another person I would be glad to join your voyage vs sitting inside all day in an office on the computer???
My daytime job I am the executive director for a non-profit organization that helps families that are losing their homes to foreclosure. Over 2 years ago I went nationwide....so I am busy, but would love to be busier. Unfortunately, with the lack of funds I am not able to publicly broadcast our services!
Trade you jobs??? Yours sounds like it will be more financially rewarding however, I know that I am doing a good deed & helping those in distress!!!!
Well keep me posted on when you would like me to help you out,
A______
www.______.biz
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)
----
Well, ours is an all-or-nothing proposition. I hold out hope that we will be rewarded.
If I send you a couple of images of what we have of the puzzle, would you be willing to tell me what you think?
Thanks, Beth
----
sure!
----
...
----
A______:
We have a funeral-type thing that we need to serve sushi at. But the circumstances are a little strange. Do you work with this kind of situation?
Thanks, Beth
----
Yes....I do Memorial Services!
*
When do you need this?
----
A______:
This is a memorial for a dead man. We want to get him into the ground before there are any surprises, so this would need to happen in the next few days.
Thanks, Beth
----
Hi Beth,
What would you like at the services??
Let me know,
A______
----
We need some sushi. But it doesn't have to be great. Due to the stipulations of the will, I doubt anyone will eat it.
----
That is all you want??
How many people??
What day??
I can do a combination of rolls and sashimi.
Let me know,
A______
______ Catering
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)
*
Hi Beth,
Best thing is to give me a call...if you get my voicemail, please leave a message.
My phone does not always ring??
Thank you,
A______
______ Catering
www.______.biz
----
Sorry I haven't been in touch. Things have really gone South here?
Beth
----
No problem!
Just let me know if you still need help?
Thank you,
A______
----
I'll stay in touch. We're still haggling over how much of the deceased's last requests we will conform to, and this determines whether we'll need the sushi. A lot of it depends on the will?
Thanks, Beth
----
Where is this going to be??
A______, B______, E______, W______, ??
----
Not sure yet. Truthfully, only about half of us want to bury him at all. He's left all these requests and stipulations and now we're finding out that there is less money than we originally thought. The sushi angle is weird but surmountable. Some of the other stuff is frightfully weird?
----
Well less money is better than no $$.
When the attorneys get done eating up their share and the inheritance tax alot of it goes away!!
My uncle that passed away Uncle Sam got over $100k and my mom is still paying gains from his stocks and bonds.
If you are not sure can you let me know if you are in the L______ ______??
Thank you,
A______
----
Well the deceased was a financial genius, so I doubt the government will get much of it. He was able to set everything up and structure it such that the money will avoid most taxes as it changes hands.
But he was also a very strange man. He set up a maze of challenges, terms, and conditions that must be met before the inheritances are disbursed. We're trying to see what legal means we have to avoid these. It would be nice if we could have him declared insane so that we don't have to carry out all these wishes.
Since his main home was in N______, we'll probably have the ceremony there if it can't be avoided?
Thanks, Beth
----
Well that is great that he is able to loophole and that is probably why you have so many challenges???
Thank you for letting me know destination because some people respond and don't even live in the area!
Well keep in touch,
A______
______ Catering
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)
----
It's great that he didn't lose any of the money to the government, but it will be for naught if we can't complete these challenges. If we fail the tasks, all the money would be disbursed to various charities. Right now it feels like we're playing 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?'. Do you remember that game?
----
No I don't remember that game...what is one of the challenges??
----
As you know, the edutainment genre comprises varied computer games and other products that serve to entertain and educate. In 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?', playents follow the trail of a fictional character, Carmen Sandiego, around the world learning about geography and culture. It's a ton of fun. Anyways, we have this cryptic note about the Shogun and we're supposed to find a puzzle piece related to it. My brothers have been in China for two weeks but it seems like a Shogun could have come from anywhere in China.
----
too funny so you are traveling all across the country to find pieces to the puzzle??
I hope that he left a nice little nest egg to do that!
----
Yeah it's ridiculous. I went to St. Louis for about five hours last week to uncover a clue. But it seems like we're getting close. It's frustrating. What if this is all an elaborate joke?
By the way, do you know if there is some type of salmon that don't swim upstream?
----
hmmm salmon that doesn't swim upstream??
one that is not horny!! lol....
That is what it says on google....
*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salmon
Here...these are all of your salmon out there!!
*
I went to a high school muscial called Lucky Stiff where the dead Uncle had the nephew going to Monte Carlo and all over, but the kid actually had to take his dead uncle in a wheelchair along with him!!
Then you tell me that you are going all over....that is great he must of had lots of money and he doesn't want to make it easy for anyone to get....figures he would put a little fun in it for you in his own little way??
Hey look at the bright side you will never forget him and you will have great conversation for years!!!
----
Yeah he's probably somewhere having fun with this. Actually we just had somewhat of a breakthrough in a Parisienne sewer and it looks like we might make it. But we're still stymied on the China front with the Shogun clue.
And I don't think we ever could forget him anyways. He accomplished many things, some wonderful and some despicable.
----
He is definitely having a good time with you!!
----
I'm sure the bastard is loving it. We're out traipsing through the sewers of a stinky-cheese-eating population while he's doubled over with laughter in a mortuary freezer. I maintain hope that we will get the money, it would be a travesty if it went to charity.
----
lol....love it!!! Would love to meet you in person you sound like a hoot....
Hey if you need another person I would be glad to join your voyage vs sitting inside all day in an office on the computer???
My daytime job I am the executive director for a non-profit organization that helps families that are losing their homes to foreclosure. Over 2 years ago I went nationwide....so I am busy, but would love to be busier. Unfortunately, with the lack of funds I am not able to publicly broadcast our services!
Trade you jobs??? Yours sounds like it will be more financially rewarding however, I know that I am doing a good deed & helping those in distress!!!!
Well keep me posted on when you would like me to help you out,
A______
www.______.biz
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)
----
Well, ours is an all-or-nothing proposition. I hold out hope that we will be rewarded.
If I send you a couple of images of what we have of the puzzle, would you be willing to tell me what you think?
Thanks, Beth
----
sure!
----
...
trolling motor
craigslist ad for trolling motor
----
Hello:
Is this the type of motor that one would attach to a boat? I'm pretty clueless about these things.
Thanks, Beth
----
It is indeed a boat motor.
----
How big of a boat will this support? Can it power a motorboat?
----
It's more for a canoe or a small bass boat.
----
A skiff?
----
Depending on the size of your skiff. But judging by the average skiff I'd say no.
----
How long is the average skiff?
----
Hello:
Is this the type of motor that one would attach to a boat? I'm pretty clueless about these things.
Thanks, Beth
----
It is indeed a boat motor.
----
How big of a boat will this support? Can it power a motorboat?
----
It's more for a canoe or a small bass boat.
----
A skiff?
----
Depending on the size of your skiff. But judging by the average skiff I'd say no.
----
How long is the average skiff?
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